Life, 1921-12-01 · page 16 of 58
Life — December 1, 1921 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces for Christmas Eve. **"Excuseiplease!"** depicts a comedic phone conversation where a caller frantically tries to reach someone at "East River 5555," repeatedly interrupting an operator. The humor lies in the caller's impatience and increasingly absurd demands—asking for multiple "takers" (apparently bribes), shaking the mouthpiece, and generally behaving badly. The satire mocks rude telephone etiquette and the caller's presumptuous entitlement. **"There Was a Girl Who Said"** presents a series of brief anecdotes about women who married men despite stated principles—a businesswoman marrying a poet, a lawyer marrying a millionaire, etc. The final punchline, "She married me," suggests male wishful thinking about women abandoning their stated values. It satirizes both women's inconsistency and male self-delusion about romantic prospects. Both pieces use humor to critique social behavior and gender relations of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Excuseitplease! ELLO, hello, hello, Central. Central, hello, he—well, at last. I must say you are prompt in—why, certainly I want a number if you'll only be patient and give me time. What? T want East River 5555. Yes, : No, I said four fives. Of course. Please hurry; this booth is simply aw- ful. Waiting? Why of—drop in the nickel? What nickel? Oh, of course: but I want my number first. What? Well, my goodness, you might give me time. Now could I get my number? You say it is South 9889? Impossible. How could the East River possibly be South? No, of course I don’t want to talk to the river. No, but if they were they’d drown before you ever got them. I need what? Information? No, I don’t need information; I know who I want. Well, all right then, give me in- formation. Hello, hello, Information? Well, I couldn’t tell your voice. Yes. Christmas Eve iL No, I want East River 5555. You don’t take numbers? Well, I must say. Well, give mea taker then, please. Hello, are you the same one I talked to a moment ago? You don’t know? Well, could you give me East River 5555, please? Waiting? Yes, I’m waiting. Whew, I’m simply smothering. The Super- visor? No, I don’t want him. Well, if I must, I must—so bring him on. Hello; are you the Supervisor? Yes, I cer- tainly do. What? Yes, I still want East River 5555. The line busy? All right, give me another taker, then. Yes, I want East River 5. What? My Heavens, discontinued? Well, give me tiy nickel back. You certainly will. T’ll take the nickel, the number or the mouthpiece. Shake it? Well, I’m shaking. No, it didn’t come out. Mis- taken? I guess not. I didn’t even drop it in. Good-by.” Horace Berry. Gee bln There Was a Girl Who Said: SHALL never marry a man who uses tobacco in any form.” Her husband is wedded to a pipe. “All I care about is intellect.” She married a prize fighter. “Give me a successful business man.” She married a poet. “Tf a man is just and honest it is all I ask.” She married a lawyer. “After all, money isn’t the only thing.” She married a millionaire. “These bookish men are such awful bores!” She married a librarian. “When I sign a marriage contract it will be divorce-proof.” She married a popular screen hero. “T can’t stand these big, brainy men who know everything.” She married me. comicbooks.com