Life — February 24, 1921 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Rejection Page (Note: The contributions on this page have been rejected. Why? The reader may judge for himself. There is a reason in each case, All this rejected material is paid for, and its publication here is not intended as any reflection upon the authors, among whom are some of Lire’s most valued contributors.) The Bnght Side HEY rescued the burning apartment building in the nick of time. “Well,” he mused, “for once that, build- ing was warm enough this winter.” Now, Boys, Altogether—Laugh ! HOLLY: Funny beggar, the boss. Asked him for a week-end. “Didn't turn you down, ch?” He said he knew I already had one, be- cause he'd heard it rattle.” Make It Fast! F I should die to-night, And you should come to my cold corpse And say, “Boy, you are going far away Where there are streams of Scotch and rye. Where there is no such word as ‘ dry," I'd say to you, “Cut out the gush! Just nail me down and mark me ‘Rush. Her Best Was All She Could Do HE bridge was washed out! The Cali- fornia Limited was due in two min- utes, Gladys Beasley was dressed as only a modern girl-dresses. She was the only per- son w. > knew the bridge was gone. Madly she rushed down the track. Frantically she tried to think of some plan to give the alarm. The limited was rushing on to its doom. The engine must be flagged. But there was nothing that she could find to— (For the fatal conclusion of this thrilling tale, see Gladys.) him from Simplicity (By Our Own Mid-Victorian Poet) IMPLICITY is best, they say— The most direct, the easiest way To speak and be well understood. In dress, if women only could See beauty in a modest gown Which draws forth neither smile nor frown, But gentlemanly admiration, Simplicity would rule creation. Restless Ruth HERE was a little flapper an’ her name was Ruth; She plumb fell in love with an awful youth. I'm givin’ you the facts—I swear it’s the truth— About this restless, re-estless Ruth. Well, one fine morning she up an ri And she found there was somethin’ wrong with her phiz. She says, “ My complexion’s all to the Friz. What on earth d'you suppose it is?” The Doctor came, and he told her flat She'd got to wear another sort of hat. “Tt may be this an’ it may be that, But you look to me like you bin on a bat.” “Say! Whatcha gettin’ at, Doctor Man? You don’ expec’ me to be a Bevo Fan?” “Tell me, girl, how much can you stan’?” Said Ruth, “ Just as much as a perfect lady can!” “ Honest,” said she, “you ain't no tact; I asked you in for to learn a fact; Looks to me like your brain is cracked. Tell_me where I get off in this Act?” “ Hop it, Kid, and hop it quick! Go take a dive an’ a plunge in the crick. Hit yourself on the head with a brick. You're restless enough to make anyone sick!” “Gracious Sakes!" said the restless girl. “You puts my head in a dizzy whirl; You fairly takes my hair out of curl— Ain't you no respect for a Society Girl?” The restless:child never rested till She found the right complexion pill. She took it with a smile an’ she took it with a will, An’ for all I know she takes it still. Margaret Regan, The Young Motorist OHNNIE, aged five, was an enthusae over automobiling. He had to sleep wit his father one night, for the first time, axl next morning he was greatly perturbed. “Mamma,” he demanded, “ why does pay use the cut-out in his sleep?” Letter From a Modest Humors “ENCLOSED please find separate man scripts which I hope may be acceptable for publication in Lire. These jokes art to my best knowledge, original. Perhaps nobody would want to claim them, anyway. ‘Whe high cost of shoes forces me to seal you these, in hopes you may use them, atl thus prevent my going barefooted for Lin. That's not a bad one right there, eh? Please do not send me a blank check to fill out, as I really do not know the present high cos of jokes. But if they are like other modities, these few should be easily tradi in for a second-hand baby-carriage. Pre- paredness. Awaiting your check I am, till hear otherwise, “P. S.—Kindly see that the Editor bs had a good meal before showing him th enclosed masterpieces. (That capital ‘E' ought to get him.) " Geographical Religion ONGREGATIONS of the Methodit Episcopal churches, North and S worship in buildings on the same street, not far removed from each other, in Ralesh N.C. A garrulous old darky hackmaa & lightens visitors as to the identity of te churches in the following fashion: “Ovah yondah am de Mefodist ‘Pig! church—north of God, and furtheh dows de Mefodist "Pispal church—south of God” Easily Chosen HEN my wife flies into a passion, And her anger waxes wroth, I think of the Lady and Tiger, And sigh that I chose ‘em both! comicbooks.com