Life — October 14, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

From the Woman in the Home F I should not talk at all To-day, and to-morrow and the rest of the week, I would undoubtedly spare myself and others Much that annoys and irritates— Many faultfindings and misunderstandings, Many causeless forebodings and, in general, all that one is sorry afterwards for having spoken about. And in that way I would also refrain from foolish jesting, And unnecessary questions, ‘And avoid all the useless chatter that only serves to clutter up the mind li I could keep the resolution to practice silence To-day, and to-morrow, and for the rest of the week, It certainly might be the best thing for everybody, including myself— But it would be very dull, wouldn't it! Mary Stewart Cutting. Millennium LOCAL GossIP HE millennium had come. The earth was purged of all Thar’s been considerabul laffin’ g on erbout Doc Butterworth havin’ such a time with his ottomobile. He ’ ‘ over to OF Missus Prouty’s last Tuesday, an’ when mortals who had survived the Change were settling themselves Y ready to come home he hed a hard time uv it es oc acnecnetual Sabbath turnin’ around—backin’ and fillin’—an' leisurely to a perpetual Sabbat knowed he backed inter the well curb “My dear,” murmured each wife to her husband, “ when you went down in, have finished your coffee and cereal, will you get the hammer Gy Whipple sex ef he can’t steer he better 7 : old flivver se n’ to keep it fro and the screwdriver and see if you can mend that squeaky the ket, ze Tinkum ‘lows the Doc orto board in the back hall? And while you're about it, 1 noticed th F “and let the well alone imperfection, In es translucent with celestial radiance, a faucet in the bathroom that needs adjusting, so bring your wrench, too, and after that there's a fixture in the library that will have to be changed right away, and then—” The millennium had come Hard Alee! ‘} jo’ did) you: manage with your gol asked the old member to the retired sea captain. “The main difficulty I have with it,” replied the sea captain, “is that I can't keep my course. I began Ly tacking up into the wind, but every haul [ made was either too long or too short. I'd make out the flagstaff dead ahead all right, take my observation, and get my bearings ac- cordingly. They'd keep telling me to keep my eye on the ball, instead of watching the horizon as any sane man would. Then I'd find myself right up in the eye of the wind, and, before I knew it, taking soundings in one of those bunkers. And the instruments you use! WI I'l have to keep changing them so much that half the time I was going by dead reckoning And as for the log, I ever can keep it straight. No sooner de 1 get into port with one of these pesky balls, and m my report, than my consort would swear that I'd skipped a couple of tacks. When I began I was an honest-to-God gentle- man of the high seas. Now I am nothing but an ordinary liar, carrying about a Bobbie: Moin MY PRAYER ROOK, KITTY, AN’ LL SHOW HIM WHETHER useless cargo of broken sticks, that METHODISTS 1S BETTER'N "PISCOVALIUMS OR NOT couldn't even be used for howsprits.” comicbooks.com