Life — September 9, 1920 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- In the Political Zoo 1. The Hardingus Marionetticus ADIES AND GENTLEME Over here on your right, behind the handsome G. O. P. ivory bars of this elegant cage decorated with the goats of defeated Republican presi- dential candidates, you will find the Hardingus Marionetticus. A handsome creature, ladies and gentlemen, and one of the most amiable known. He feeds upon old galley proofs, emitting the while soft cooing noises, which mean nothing in particular, and, upon being led to water, utters a soft, conciliatory laugh. In the hands of his friends he is ever so docile, responding heartily to their slightest suggestion. Which delightful trait causes him to be highly valuable. His habitat is Ohio—preferably a front porch. He makes an excellent pet, and is a splendid subject for photographers, auto- graph albums and campaign buttons. 2. The Coxicus Leagibus Over here we have the Coxicus Leagibus. Almost as well favored as the Hardingus, this interesting specimen is full of fire. League! Coxie, league! Did you notice, ladies and gen- tlemen, how, when I mentioned the word “league,” his ears pricked up and his eyes glistened? He is rabid on the subject, and at the mere sound of the word can hardly be restrained. Down, sir, down! He feeds upon sycophants and senators, Mistress (giving an old dress to her maid): you'p better CLEAN IT AND IMPROVE IT A LITTLE BEFORE YOU WEAR IT, Maid: WHY, CERTAINLY, MA'AM; OTHERWISE PEOPLE WOULD THINK 1 WAS You. SI SQUIRREL, WHO HAS HAD MORE THAN HIS SHARE OF VISITORS FKOM THE CITY, DECIDES TO GIVE HIS COUNTRY PLACE A NAME and is permitted, if good, to sleep beside the fireplace of a cer- tain white mansion in Washington, D. C. His cry has a foreign sound, increasing in volume as he feels the sympathetic re- He was also discovered in Ohio, the stamping ground of so many of our interesting North American fossils No, no, little girl. . « Come away from Coxie’s platform; it doesn’t hold him up any too well, and is likely to crash any moment. sponse. 3. The Rou-cou-coolidge (Vermont) Preening his feathers of iridescent lustre in that cage over there, is the Rou-cou-coolidge (Vermont). As the brave little Dak-Dak sits upon the unique horn of the wild rhi warn him of incipient danger, so does the Rou- (Vermont) wait upon the Hardingus Marionetticus in times of peril. A strange complement, ladies and gentlemen. This creature is delightfully domestic, and may be made—for politi- cal purposes—to beat rugs, turn ice-cream freezers, mow lawns and kiss the little ones of total strangers. His present habitat is New England and the front pages of all the small-town newspapers thereof. His cry is substantial, half Bostonese and all American and well worth listening to. Like the other speci- mens, he is not averse to being photographed. That's all right, madam. Let your little girl feed the Rou- cou-coolidge (Vermont) a doughnut. He is very fond of them. eros to oolidge 4. The Rooseveltiosus Democritus Cousin to the Rooseveltiosus Bigstikkicus, the Rooseveltiosus Democritus stands for peace, prosperity and progress. See how intelligently he nods his head. He is very human, ladies and gentlemen, and his cry is anthropoid in articulation. In fact, some go so far to say th-t it resembles the English words, “Tt shall not occur again; it shall not occur again.” “It” re- fers to war. The Rooseveltiosus Democritus wishes to be known as hostile to war. See, he nods his head again. That's right, Roosey, we don't like war, either, A virile creature, ladies and gentlemen; full of promise. That, however, is a characteristic of every animal within our political zoo. They are all full of—er—promise. Don't jump too heartily on your perch, Roosey; it is rather wabbly. Henry William Hanemann. comicbooks.conll