Life — January 8, 1920 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SakyynrORAbEs a F — oe An Accomplished Fowl “Mercy! Haw that bird swears!" ex- claimed the would-be purchaser. “ What would my husband say?” “T dunno, ma‘am,” replied the dealer. “But whatever it was this ‘ere parrot could repeat it right over after him.” —Kansas City Stor. On the Defensive Oxe: Would you be satisfied if you had all the money you wanted? Owens: I'd be satisfied if I had all the money my creditors wanted. —Boston Transcript. Tue modern child is one who doesn’t believe a thing is so unless he’s seen it in the movies.—St. Augustine Record. HPRING or resting — the wind through the woods and the draft through the room may mean the same kind of a cough. Stave it off with Dean's Mentholated Cough Drops. Get them anywhere. Dean Medicine Company Milwaukee, Wisconsin MENTHOLATED CoucH Drops “The Utmost in Cigarettes “Plan End By CokTip ae of culture and yA te inement invariably 4¢| PREFER Deities “al: to any other cigarette 30¢ oaigyss Mahers of the (CA_PAYMENTS| monthly buys outright ony stock or | bond Purchaser secures all dividends: Odd lots our speciaity. Write for selected | Uist and full particulars ~ FREE | CHARLES E.VAN RIPER Member Consolidated Stock Excnonge || SO BROAD ST, NEW YORK, oe a ww a Cuticura Soap is Easy Shaving for Sensitive Skins The New Up-to-date Cuticura Method Saved the Day Gypsy Smith, the evangelist, said on his recent voyage from Liverpool: “There are some men who can make a success even of failure. Thus there was a certain peer once who rose to make his maiden speech—a speech granting to all accused persons the right of counsel— and when he put his hand in his pocket for his notes they weren't there. The peer gulped. He looked about him wild- ly. Gulped again. Then he said: ‘If I, my lords, who now rise only to give my opinion on this bill—if I am so con- ‘founded that I am unable to express what I had in mind, what must be the condition of that man who, without any assistance, has got to plead for his life?’ Then the peer sat down to the cheers of a converted chamber, and his bill passed almost unanimously.”—Argonaut, A Household Hint They had been dining in state in the dining car. Husband, who is a teacher of English, was glad that little daughter had behaved so perfectly. Mother also was in a happy frame of mind. There were numerous other diners in the car, and the parents were proud of their child. Not a single thing had happened to mar the serenity of the occasion. Finally the meal was over, and they started to leave the car. Their way took them past all of the other tables, Sud- denly the little girl felt impelled to ask a question. “ Mother,” she called in a shrill voice, “aren't we going to wash the dishes?” —Los Angeles Times. “Anp how are your two daughters getting on, Mrs. Miggs?” “Oh! I'm pleased to say they are both still out of work.”"—Blighty. Name ‘‘Bayer’’ identifies gen- uine Aspirin introduced in 190 Insist on unbroken packages BAYER-TABLE of ASPIRIN Boxes of 12 tablets Bottles of 24 and 100 Also capsules Aspirin is the trade mark of Bayer M Monoaceticacidester of Salicy! ted phew tapeiy ers cveryeners, LOG Backer Moore Push-Pin Co, 132 Berkley St, Philadelphia comicbooks.com