Life — December 4, 1919 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Practically Speaking VEN as a boy at school, Talboc was renowned for his sound sense. Metaphorically, the headmaster used to hold him up for our periodical in- spection, and invite us to look him Talbot,” he would say, “is practical. He will go a long way in the world, He will succeed by mak- ing the most fitting employment of whatever happens in his direction. If, in the years to come, any of you chaps are hard up and require a five-dollar bill, go to Talbot. He is sure to ha a bank account, and will be practical enough to get rid of you at the figure indicated.” In all of which the headmaster was very correct, although Talbot, at the very outset of his commercial career, threatened to give him the lie direct by doing two unpractical things. He became a musician, and married a over. virago, Mrs. Talbot, stat thirty-five and bony, was ninety-nine and three- fourths pure vinegar. Lady acquaint- ances of hers (for she had friends) clung to the profound convic- tion that subsisted principally upon a Spartan diet of acid drogs. Anyhow, she was reputed to lead Tal- bot a dog’s life. Whenever his mari- tal affairs were on the carpet—which was pretty often—all the early Chris- tian martyrs came into review, and in us comparison Talbot walked away with all the honors. Now, any other ordinary human be- ing perforce under such inaus- jous conjugal skies, must infallibly have grayed with misery in a twel month, Talbot was having the time of his life. One evening, in an unguarded mo- ment, I accepted his invitation to tea, and accompanied him home. I could not know that Talbot had neglected the little formality of telling his wife that I was coming along; but the over- sight was unfortunate. Mrs. Talbot received my compliments curtly and requested the of ill- starred spouse in the adjoining kitchen. I heard every word of it, and from that hour I abominated, abjured and forswore matrimony and all its works and pomps, once and forevermore. Talbot soon reappeared, his face bright and shining, as though his be- she presence her S YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOURSELF DOING HIS CHRISTMAS SHOPPING EARLY loved had with caresses, been overwhelming him He said, “The wife's put on her hat and things and has gone out. Now, you mustn't mind the wife. She's a very remarkable woman, I'm sure I don't know what I should do without her. You know, Billy put her into a sonata nd I've I looked my amazement. “Yes,” Talbot, “and what's more, I've sold the blamed. thing three hundred OF course, I don’t tell the wife what a real help- said buel mate she is. That would spoil every- thing. Come, I'll run over the sonata for you.” Placing a score of music before him, he sat at the piano, and during the re- cital kept up a running little commen- tary, * Notice He “That's the wife, trembling thus this passag pizzicato.” accentuated a few chords. with rage, awaiting my home-coming Little flowing passage here, legate that’s myself coming up the steps very teisurely.” He ran his fingers along the comicbooks.com