Life — July 31, 1919 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE: Positively the Limit I AM short and fat, and ever since I was a little girl somebody has been making light of my physical imperfections. My brother has told me he would as lief step over as walk around me. My sister has been known to ask me To pull up a couple of chairs and sit down. I dieted for six months. And— My husband told me I had wasted away— To a mere ton. And— mow That lack of nourishment had made me— A bale of nerves. But Being a member of the Corpulent Corps, I have felt a personal responsibility about maintaining the reputation of that body for good nature. So— 1 have smiled indulgently— At all these gibes. But— Yesterday my sister-in-law said, “Why, Helen, you are actually getting a double chin.” And— I said, “ Well, you needn't be insulting about it.” K. H. Bee. Hope Springs Eternal ‘OR a moment she paused on the bridge. Below the dark waters of the river flowed silently. But life held nothing more of joy for her. She was lonely, despairing + +. and friendless. The cold waters gave a welcome hand. But in that moment in which she paused came a thought that perhaps to-mor- row the cashier at the lunch- counter, a handsome, blond youth, might smile at her again, . . and she turned back to her silent room. ‘H E'S a man who claims that a knowledge of Greek and Latin is necessary in order to write English correctly,” “But nowadays who con- siders it necessary to write English correctly?” THE MAN WHO DARED TO FOLLOW HIS INCLINATION Harvest Time Every man, woman and child in this country [Eng- land] has got to work, and work damned hard. That is what they are doing in’ the United States, and a rich harvest is coming to them. —Lord Weir, on returning to London N America in which every man, woman and child i kept working, and working damned hard, undoubtedly would be an ideal state, but have we attained it yet? Un- fortunately, no. There are too many backward sections of the country that still persist in keeping children at school and at play until the natural inclination to work damned hard is all but killed out of them, and there are even sc communities that still consign woman to her ancient prison- house, the home. However, an increasing number of men, women and children are, as his lordship says, working damned hard, and before long, it is hoped, the government will enact the necessary pro- hibitions and impose the necessary taxes to make it impossible for anyone—man, woman or child—to do an; thing but work damned hard. We are getting there no but the great harvest is to Our graveyards are till not so well filled as they might be. come. My Helpmate | FIND my husband con- venient: Because he has charming men friends, Whom he brings home for me to entertain, And he doesn’t seem to care when I go to the opera or cabarets with them, Nor when I motor with them a whole day at a tim Nor is he jealous when he sees them making love to me, Or when I try to please them, And he makes an excellent chaperon. Yes, I find my husband very convenient. Home Comforts USTOMER: I want to buy a safe for my pri- idence. Yes, sir; we've just gotten in some little beauties in the twelve-quart, home size. comicbooks.comm