Life, 1919-07-24 · page 7 of 40
Life — July 24, 1919 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous poem by Arthur Guiterman satirizing romantic complications among oysters. The narrative follows a young female oyster who dreams of a "gentle Oyster" suitor, but becomes entangled with other oyster characters including a "Puritanic Shellfish" and a "brave young Blueprint" who dies in conflict. The satire gently mocks human romantic melodrama by transposing it onto sea creatures. The subtitle notes "An oyster may be crossed in love—*The Critic*," suggesting this parodies overly sentimental Victorian romance narratives. The whimsical illustration at top shows penguins and cherubs observing the underwater scene, emphasizing the absurdist humor of treating oyster relationships with serious dramatic weight.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Loves of the Oysters An oyster may be crossed in love—The Critic. SWEET young Oyster dwelt beneath the billow, Where Buzzard Bays and Saddlerocks are bred; A bunch of kelp, her customary pillow, In soft brown fillets wreathed her lovely head; Where cooling flow and swirling ebb rejoiced her, She dreamed her maiden dream, the gentle Oyster. With gift of pearls for Ocean's fairest daughter, A Puritanic Shellfish sought her hand Who prosed about the Wickedness of Water And prayed that Sea might soon be dry as Land! A sober Mollusk, never known to royster, A staid and steady Prohibition Oyster. “This Wetness, dearest one, is most immoral! Oh, come, my love!” he sang, To yonder rock !—above the branchi We'll make our home, for there ‘tis nearly dry!” She blushed and answered him, the “T thank you, Sir, but I prefer it moister!” tle Oyster, One day a Starfish hungrily pursued her !— A brave young Bluepoint bit the wretch in two! This ardent Bivalve long had warmly wooed her. And shortly they were wed beneath the blue. The disappointed Prohibition Oyster, With broken heart, retired to a cloister Arthur Guiterman, NO IMPROVEMENT IN METHOD comicbooks.com