Life — July 24, 1919 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

141 Stop Grinding Your Phonograph! The Journey of Life Auto-Tounng Guide Frou Birth to Death, three score and ten mies. Rough The going. ¢ P From Birth 10 Childhood, through Teething Lane (un | 5; pleasant road, but no detuut) straight through Measles- | = a ville, four miles out, to Cuttingoft Curls crossroads, four eliminates forever the embarrassing and tedious task of hand winding. While dancing, or in the midst of a violin solo, and, in hundreds of other cases, your phonograph “runs down’’!! and one-half miles Shear to the mght and then to the leit, then over Mothers Tears creek, straight ahead to School- ville, six miles, and through Schoolville to Childhood From Childhood to Young Manhood. The going is easy | through Childhood, except for stops for repairs at Doc This will not occur with Tonic’s Stub Toe garage and for getting higher gear at | the Motrola! Skip School Year machine shop. Pass lower-geared cars fifteen miles out from Birth, Enter Young Manhood on A touch of the button and the phono- high speed with cut-out open and siren blowing. Young graph spring is wound electrically to Manhood, twenty miles from Birth the proper tension. . From Young Manhood to Matrimony. Take this on high Easily with plenty of gas from Old Dad's gas station. Speed it attached up, particularly at Chorus Girlville. Don't mind danger iy adiyone!in signal at Vampire Curve. Let her out at College Boys’ 7 place of wind- ng handle. . \ é - eG! Does not on approaching Matrimony. Enter Matrimony, twenty- mar woodwork Harmony Lane. Slow up and settle down to normal speed five miles from Birth, on low speed. Speed laws strictly I positive in oper ne enforced in Matrimony. uae Matrimony to Business Success, varying distance deter- Ask your Phonograph mined by route you take. Generally rough going. Easy + J dealer to demonstrate thii Money Road, all macadam and shortest route, is usually ; remarkable new invention, closed. Plugger Road is longest and safest route. Take- Y Sealer ie year i Bane of a-Chance Turnpike has its ups and downs and forks off JONES-MOTROLA, Inc. into blind alleys. Plugger Road is officially recommended 29 West 35th St. STE. Jackson Blvd. to all tourists. Reach Business Success when you can, Men Teck Business Success to Retirement. Length of trip from Business Success to Retirement depends upon the time you have taken in reaching Business Success. Consult road map and find length of time you can allow yourself for reaching Death from Business Success, and govern your entry into Retirement accordingly Retirement to Death. Easy going. Scene from Remi- niscence Peak is particularly interesting. Notice how many old-friend tourists are making trip with you. Take entire trip on low speed, with frequent stops for sight-seeing and recreation, a repairs, if needed. Enter Death smiling, three score and ten miles from Birth, Frank H. Williams. DELICATELY SCENTED:GOLD TIPS ’ 25 ; OX DE LUXE OF < 100'+$2 50 “WHAT MAKES YOU SO POSITIVE THAT JACK IS FALLING IN il LOVE WITH YOU, DOROTHY?” HE'S BEGINNING TO FIND FAULT WITH YOU AND FATHER.” comicbooks.com