Life, 1918-11-14 · page 8 of 34
Life — November 14, 1918 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces: **"To a Canary in a Trench"** (top left): A poem by Mabel Haughton Collyer addressing a bird as a morale booster for soldiers in WWI trenches. It references the canary's singing providing comfort to troops facing death and poison gas attacks. **"Last Will and Testament of the All Highest"** (center/right): A satirical mock will supposedly written by William Hohenzollern (German Kaiser Wilhelm II). It humorously bequeaths German territories and possessions to various parties, mocking German defeat in WWI. The caption "SOMEWHERE IN GERMANY" references wartime hardship and food scarcity. **Bottom cartoon**: A domestic scene where a woman questions a man about military service, with the caption about him keeping "flat knees"—likely a sarcastic reference to avoiding active combat duty. All content reflects WWI-era American anti-German sentiment.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
700 To a Canary in a Trench ON jour, merry bird! Your bonny life we ask, That we may know When gases blow, And spring to don a mask. We would that we might mask you, too, So beautiful—so fair. You sing to-day Your roundelay, And love is everywhere! Bon soir, merry bird! In war you've played your part— Nor knew that death Was in the breath That stilled your little heart Your perch swings idly in your cage— Unscathed we march along. So may we learn, If fortune turn, To greet death with a song! Mabel Haughton Collyer. Last Will and Testament of the All Highest I WILLIAM HOHENZOLLERN, 2 being of unsound mind and body and estate, do declare this to be my last will and testament. First: I direct that all my debts be paid in full by my relatives and friends who have upheld me in my malady, by my military staff, by my posterity even unto the third and fourth generation and by that portion of the German peo- ple who, blinded by the barbaric and She: Marry you, INvEED! wHy AREN'T YOU IN THE ARMY? “WHY, YOU'VE KEPT ME IN THIS POSI- TION SO LONG I'VE GOT FLAT KNEES.” SOMEWHERE IN GERMANY “ACH! DIS WAR ISS AWFUL, ID ISS SIX MONTHS SINCE M VIFE UND CHILDREN HAT MEAT OR EGGS, UND NOW I CAN NOD GET ENOUGH EFEN FOR MEINSELF.” untenable doctrine that might is right —that lust, lies and looting, rapine, wanton destruction and torture are proper—still cling to my rule. Second: I bequeath all that part of my immortal infamy which lies east of the Rhine to Lenine and Trotzky, to be held by them and their heirs and as- signs forever. Third: I bequeath all that part of my infamy lying west of the Rhine to Ludendorff, Hindenburg, von Tirpitz and my eldest son, share and share alike, to be held by them and their heirs and assigns forever. Fourth: All the rest of my posses- sions, goods and chattels, real estate, colonies, institutions, bad faith, dis- honor, broken treaties, false philosophy and all other accrued belongings of whatever nature I hereby bequeath in trust to the cause of world democracy. And I appoint, as my trustees, Fer- dinand Foch, Woodrow Wilson and Lloyd George, who shall destroy what- ever part of these possessions which in their wisdom is utterly worthless, and dispense the remainder for the benefit of humanity. Done at Potsdant, this thirteenth day of November, 1918. Witness my compulsory and bloody seal. Witiiam Honenzoicern, Witnesses : John J. Pershing, Douglas Haig, Gabriel ¢ d’Annunzio. "THERE are few persons with cour- age enough to admit that they haven't got it. comicbooks.com