Life — August 1, 1918 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Foil the Car Thief ways stky to leave a cat and epare tes unguarded. The sensble pro- tecion fa POWERSTEEL AUTOWLOCK. The weater-prooted Yellow No Settled Residence “Where are you going to lecture to- night, my dear?" inquired Mr. Wise of his wife, a prominent equal-suffrage lec- turer. “I am to address the Cooks’ and Housemaids’ Union,” she responded. Her husband laughed. “TI see nothing to laugh about. Surely they have as much right to vote as any other woman,” his wife began, indig- nantly, “T am not denying that, my dear, mildly explained Mr. Wise; “but it is a waste of time. Don’t you realize that a cook or housemaid never remains long enough in one position to be entitled to a vote?" Mrs. Wise, recognizing the wisdom of this, canceled her engagement by tele- phone.—St, Louis Globe-Democrat. Some People Are Born Lucky Two pals, both recently wedded, were comparing the merits of their wives. “Ah, yes,” said George, who was still very much in love, “my little woman is an angel! She couldn’t tell a lie to save her life!” “Lucky bounder!” said Samuel, sigh- ing. “My wife can tell a lie the minute I get it out of my mout! —London Opinion. His Worry “Now, Rastus,” said the captain, “don't you want to make your will be- fore you go over?” “Will, nuthin’, sah! De only will I'se worryin’ about is will I come back.” —Boston Transcript. Explained “Why is it that Goldstein is so quiet when driving his flivver?”” “ Well, you see, he can’t take his hands off the wheel to talk."—Widow. Smoke Dr. STEWART’S Way .EXTRACT the Narcotic Oils and irritating heavy acid bearing Tars that cause the hacking cough, catarrh, Shlegm ‘Spitting, rack your nervous system and slow you up, Try Dr. Stewart's way a week and see how much more buoyant, cheerful aod less irritable you are, how much more you enjoy your Enjoy your smoking without its harmful effects, or master and discontinve the habit without the use of devise Send Sacat once forchambered.non-inflammable,attractivecigarette holder (round or oval). or cigar holder and filty cartridges. $1.00 for genuine French briar, H. R. B. pipe and trial case of fifty Dr. Stewart's absorbent cartridges. Refund guarantee bond if not satistactory, Medicated cartridges for those having catarth, broachitis or throat trouble. 10¢ box of sixteen cartridges. AMERICAN SANITARY SMOKING COMPANY, Philadelphia, Pensa, BELL-ANS Absolutely Removes Indigestion. One package proves it. 25c at all druggists. Strand Wire Rope can't easily be cut—the sturdy spring lock is unpickable. Some companies reduce theft insurance 10% where AUTOWLOCKS are used. At dealers, $2.25 east of the Rockies. BASLINE AUTOWLINE, also of Yellow Strand Rope, is strong and reliable. Patented snaffle hooks attach instantly, safely. At dealers, $4.95 east of the Rockies. POWERSTEEL TRUCKLINE is just what you need for your heavy-duty power-wagon. Superstrong—it stands the strain. Write for literature. BRODERICK & BASCOM ROPE Co., ST. LOUIS :: NEW YORK Manufacturers of celebrated Yellow Strand Wire Rope + Ah 8 9 PowersteeL AuTowLock Circumstantial Evidence “Halloa, Tims!” said Jones. “I saw your wife this morning. By Jove! that new coat of hers must have cost a pot of money. You're doing specially well at present?” “No, not exactly,” replied Tim: moodily. “Fact is, she got it by acci- dent.” “By accident!” “ How was that?” “Well, old fellow, it was this way. I got home rather late the other night. The hall was very dark, but I could ju: distinguish a figure standing by the chair. I slipped up to her, put my arm around her waist and whispered, ‘ Mary, give me a kiss.” “But—but,” stammered Jones, “I thought your wife's name was Kate!" “It is,” murmured Tims; “ that's how she got the coat."—Tit-Bits. exclaimed Jones, A Doubtful Recommendation Moriter: I don't like the looks of that little boy you were playing with on the street to-day. You mustn't play with bad little boys, you know. Sox: Oh, but he isn't a bad little boy, mamma. He's a good little boy. He's been to a reformatory twice, and they've let him out each time on account of good behavior—New York Globe. I has just come to light how Orpheus, in his search for Eurydice, managed to get by Cerberus, the three- headed watch-dog of Hell. Orpheus was a regular subscriber to Lire, and took three back numbers with him when he started on his quest. He threw one in front of cach head, and Cer- berus became so interested in looking at the pictures that Orpheus casily slipped through the portal. MPweres PROFESSOR SCHLUTZENWESSEN GERGRUG- GENMEIMER, THE FAMOUS SWORD SWAL- LOWER. . 1 dragatste: Soap %, maple cach free of BOGALYSA “The New South's Young ys es Destiny.” It’s where the Great Southern Lumber Co. takes and lays a mile of railway track daily (60m. total). comicbooks.com