Life — July 25, 1918 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

140 FOOLISH, CONTEMPO ARIES What Lo Was Fighting For John H. Mosier, attorney and oil man of Muskogee, Okla., was in Kansas City recently with a new Indian story. An Indian soldier, home on a furlough, was walking down the main street at Musko- gee, when a white man who knew him stopped him and said “Well, John, I see you have become a soldier.” “Yes, me soldier.” replied the Indian “How do you like being a soldier, John “No like-wm.” “What's the matter?” “Too much salute—not enough shoot.” “Of course you know what you are fighting for, John?” “Yes, me know,” answered the Indian, “Well, what are you fighting for, John?” “Make whole damn world Democratic party,” answered the Indian. —Kansas City Journal, Literal Epitor: How's the new society re- porter? I told him to condense as much as possible. He did. Here's his account afternoon tea “ Mes, , Mrs. Jabber roared, Mrs. Diller bored, Mrs. Rasping gored, and Mrs. Embonpoint snorcd.” —Detroit Times, An Indoor Enthusiast “I'm so glad to sce good golf weather at hand!” said young Mrs. Torkins. “LT didn't know you cared for the “1 don't. But I'l be glad to have lie ont playing the game instead of ing home talking about it.” —Washington Star, ‘BILTMORE 4d and 44th Sts. and Maduon Ave. Italian Sunken Gardens 3, Fountains, flowers, music and tea rooms. AML tee Too Bad He Couldn't March United States Senator Howard Suther- land, of West Virginia, tells a story about a mountain youth who visited a recruit ing office in the senator's state for the purpose of enlisting in the regular army The examining physician found the young man as sound as a dollar, but that he had flat feet “I'm sorry,” said the physician, “but I'l have to turn you down. You've got flat fect.” The mountaineer looked sorrowful. So way for me to git in it, then?” he inquired. “T guess not. With those flat feet of yours you wouldn't be able to march even five miles The youth from the mountains studied a moment. Finally he said: “I'll tell you why I hate this so darned bad. You see, | walked nigh on to one hundred and fifteen miles over the mountains to git here, and gosh, how 1 hate to walk back ! "=, body's Magaz From the Barnyard Fixst Rooster: What's the matter with Mrs, Brahm Seconp Ditr0: Shell shock. Ducks she was setting on, —Transcript. came out of the Pottticies I showed that he was a wise monarch by the means he used to put an end to the weekly squabbles with his favorite wife, the lovely Hatusab. ese quarrels oc- curred every Tuesday morning, and were caused by the desire of cach of them to have the first look at Lire, Psattichus solved the problem by sub- scribing to two copies instead of one. EGYPTIAN DEITIES lege ss ad bi of culture and finement invarial PREFER. Deities to any other cigarette. 25° Angrgyros Mate Tockish oa Egon Cone Ce Ct Of Course It Was “Can any pupil tell where the Declara- tion of Independence was signed ?” asked th her of the history class. Yes'm, I can,” called little Johnnie Baker. “It was signed at the bottom.” —Ladics’ Home Journal. “OMY MEART IS WITIE MY MASTER, BUT ALY DUTY Lies witit you" BELL-ANS Absolutely Removes Indigestion.One Package provesrit. 25¢.at all druggists ATTENTION, SOLDIERS! LECE:: May Them Direct According to Weight, $1 Reinforced Leather Canvas Covered S.HESS, 30 E. 20th Street, ‘NEW YORK comicbooks.com