Life, 1918-06-13 · page 26 of 36
Life — June 13, 1918 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes prominent American political figures through mock "horoscopes" — a popular divination format used mockingly to skewer their characters and predicted fates. **Senator James A. Reed**: Portrayed as pro-German and incompetent, afflicted with "Hooveritis" (likely criticism of Herbert Hoover's policies). The satire suggests he should work for Germany rather than America, mocking his alleged sympathies during WWI. **Colonel E. M. House**: President Wilson's close advisor, ridiculed as verbose yet influential, manipulating foreign policy while pretending ignorance. The barb about "electing Presidents" suggests puppet-master behavior. **Fido the Terrier**: A heroic dog's biography contrasts sharply with the politicians above—a dog accomplishes more for humanity (rescuing people, joining Red Cross relief) before dying honorably in WWI service than these men manage through their careers. The satire's point: a dog has more integrity and patriotism than these politicians.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“E PEE * Life’s Horoscopes SENATOR JAMES A. REED HE planets were not propitious ‘| when this gentleman was born in Mansfield, Ohio, November 9, 1861, hohenzollerns being in periscope with Neptune and pro-Germanism rising in the west, thus preventing him from being born in Berlin, where later on he would have done his best work. He was also afflicted with Hooveritis, which even a residence in Kansas City failed to eradicate. He has a pleasant Wilhelmstrasse dispo- sition, subsists on a mixed diet of expletives and adjectives, and is loved and admired by all who do not know him. He will do his best work as military attaché in a German pill- box, a member of the Reichstag, or editorial writer on a Hearst paper. Should avoid patriots and publicity. COLONEL E. M. HOUSE O*’ July 26, 1838, this gentleman was born in Austin, Texas, Cas- tor and Pollux whispering to Mars and Neptune, and the Sun, Moon and other minor planets appropriately gagged with Wilsonian mufflers, He has a pleasant oratorical tempera- ment, sometimes rising to the height of a monosyllable, and when not electing Presidents and visiting for- eign countries in order to confirm what everyone else knew nine months before, is fond of listening himself into confidence where all other political angels have failed to tread. In spite of the Evening Post and what he doesn’t say, has a well de- served reputation for common sense. Will do his best work in a deaf and dumb asylum, or on light forms of construction; but should avoid Cabinet making. Looks well in short moscows, ornamented with Klaxon horns. Who's Who and Why TERRIER, FIDO J., son of Rover Terrier and Woofie Yorkshire; born in Squire McCormick's hay-barn, September 1, 1912; slew thirty-four woodchucks and seven- teen rats, 1914-1915; moved to city and gained blue ribbon at dog show, March 6, 1915; rescued child from drowning in park lake, July 7, 1915; gave chase to and cornered kid- napper in same park, August 28, 1915; tore seat from tres- passing hobo’s trousers, November 6, 1915; discovered fire in basement of old folks’ home and roused janitor, night of June 23, 1916; hung on to notorious second-story man till master could cover him with revolver, night of January 7, 1917; rescued Italian baby from burning tenement, June 9, 1917; led searchers of outing party to children lost in SOME DAY “WHAT'S THE NEWS, son?” heart of woods, July 24, 1917; joined Red Cross for war- relief service in France, October 5, 1917; killed in act of succoring wounded American, April 13, 1918. “DOWN FOR THE WEEK-END”