Life, 1918-02-21 · page 24 of 40
Life — February 21, 1918 — page 24: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"A Bloodthirsty Commission"** satirizes Massachusetts legislator Arthur Seagrave's proposed dog-control law. The cartoon shows officials violently attacking dogs. Seagrave's draft would have permitted killing dogs on sight during certain hours to protect the sheep industry. The satire's point: the legislature blamed dogs for the sheep industry's decline, when climate was the actual cause. The author suggests the commission itself deserves shooting for proposing such "bloodthirsty" measures—turning their own logic against them as absurd. **The poetry sections** offer lighter commentary on gender stereotypes: the "Witty Girl" versus "Pretty Girl" compares intelligence unfavorably to attractiveness (the pretty girl gets dinner dates), while "Millennium Enough" uses lambs discussing safety with a lion as dark humor about vulnerability and self-preservation. **"Some Satisfaction Anyway"** presents a domestic joke: a man's wife attends church, saves money, and follows duty perfectly, yet he admits he's only "happy in the consciousness that I am a philosopher"—suggesting resigned acceptance rather than genuine happiness with his dutiful spouse.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ADVICE TO MISSIONARIES AFTER PERSUADING THE SA\ A Bloodthirsty Commission HE Massachusetts legislature recently empowered a commission, headed by Arthur Seagrave, to devise a preliminary draft for a new dog law. Mr. Seagrave and his brother commissioners appear to have lusted after blood and the howls of tortured dogs, for the preliminary draft which they evolved contained the following interesting fea- tures: Any person may kill on sight any dog running at large during stated hours. This ruling applies to lap dogs as well as larger Any person may k domestic m Officers : he sees chasing any ny dog found running at large. Dog-licen’ and six dollars for f raised te five dollars for les. These gentle measures were designed to protect the Massachusetts sheep industry. It has been pretty definitely proved, however, that the decline of the sheep industry in Massachusetts is due to the evil Massachusetts climate i dogs: and the Massa- ns rather than to the depreda chusetts legislature, doubtless aware of this fact, refused to dally with Mr. Seagrave’s measures until they had been shorn of their bloodthirstiness. If the Massachusetts legis- lature finds itself with any spare time on its hands the near future, it might empower another commission to look into the desirability of allowing police officers to shoot the members of Mr. Seagrave’s commission on sight if they are ever again found annoying any domestic animals with foolish suggestions for laws. S TO GIVE CIVILIZATION A TRIAL DON’T SPOIL EVERYTHING BY SHOWING THEM PICTURES OF THE PRESENT WAR Survival of the Fittest H, the Witty Girl is mighty pert and clever, But the Pretty Girl is a thing of joy forever. Oh, the Witty Girl is never dull or prosy, But the Pretty Girl is fresh and sweet and cosy. Ob, the Witty Girl in talk 1 winner, But the Pretty Girl gets taken out for dinner! ay be a Arthur Guiterman, -Millennium Enough FikstT LAMB: Think it will ever he safe to lie down with a lion? Stcoxn Lamm: Goodness knows Til be perfectly satisfied when it is safe to lie down by myself LOW DECIDE THAT IT's THEIR PATRI OTIC DUTY TO PO A LITTLE HOOVERIZING MR. Some Satisfaction Anyway sir, my wife is a remarkable woman. Goes to church, saves systematically, and lives up in every way to her sense of duty.” “{ should think that would make you very happy.” ciousness that “Ina way it does. 1 am happy in the co J am a philosopher.”