Life — November 29, 1917 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OuUR_ CONTEMPO AS Too Long a Shot A famous jockey was taken suddenly ill, and the trainer advised him to visit a doctor in the town. “Hell put you right in a said. The same evening he found Benjamin lying curled up in the stables, kicking his legs about in agony, " Hello, Benny ! the doctor?” “Well, didn’t he do you any good? “T didn’t go in. When I got to his house there was a brass plate on his door —'Dr. Kurem, Ten to one’—I wasn't going to monkey with a long shot like that! “—London Opinion. ys" he Haven't you been to Quite Right “Pop.” inquired little Clarence Lily- white, “what am a millennium?” “Sho,” said his parent, “doan’ yo" know what a millennium am, chile? It’s jes’ about de same as a centennial, on’y it’s got mo’ legs."—Illustrated World. Pror. Co-rp: Does the moon affect the tide? No, sir, merely the untied. —Stanford Chaparral. Your Army man, your Navy man, values the Hav- one Case because it keeps his cigarettes in well-ordered ranks, white, clean, unmussed and unfumbled. The Havone Case springs open at a touch on the little cap, and it is as easily filled as on ordinary case, Havone Cigarette Cases are made in heavy Siiver-plate, in Solid Sterling and 14K Gold. The silver-plated cases at $5 are especially popular. If your dealer hasn't stocked up on the HAVONE, send us $5 and we will mail you one direct—either plain finished, or ‘with monogram spot, or one of the all-over patterns. At any rate send us your name ona postcard for one of our illustrated catslogues. HAVONE CORPORATION 21-23 Maiden Lane, New York Look for the Havone mark stamped inside the case HAVONE FOOLISH ARIES Pinch, use ALLEN'’S FOOT-EASE He Wabbled “Come out to our place to dinner to- night,” said the banker. “Til be glad to,” said his friend. “ Our girl,” said the banker, “is study- ing music—” “ Oh, that reminds me. I've a very im- portant engagement for to-night. Sorry, old man, but I can’t come.” “Can't you? Too bad! Our oldest girl, as I was saying, is studying music in Chicago, and we're awfully lonesome evenings.” “Oh, I'll cut that engagement and come Youth's Companion. | “Listen to this, M Stubb, as he unfolded his scientific paper. “ This article states that in some of the old Roman prisons that have been un- earthed they found the petrified remains of the prisoners.” “Gracious, John,” exclaimed Mrs. Stubb, with a smile, “them’s what they call hardened criminals, I expect.” —Tit-Bits, “ Wutat makes you so uneasy? Is your conscience troubling you?” “No, it's my winter underwear.” —Gargoyle. ITANIA, queen of the fairies, was in a quandary about what she would give Oberon for Christmas. She sent for The-Fairy-Who-Does-Things, who, without leaving the spot, ordered Lire to be sent to Oberon for a year, thus solving the queen’s perplexity and insuring Oberon fifty-two consecutive jolts of joy. Soothing “Do you know,” said the first member, “that I picked up Borum’s book last night and that I never budged out of my chair until four o'clock this morning!” “Heavens!” exclaimed the second member, “was it that interesting?” fo, but I didn’t wake until that The Lamb, STALLS BOOKS wnat Whar Waar Whar Waar Wrar what A Yours 4 Your Your , Youre oe | ae n Womax wire Ou Overt Quont TOKHO" roKNow ome READ BY MILLIONS BECAUSE THEY TELL OF SEX SUBJECTS WITHOUT MEDICAL TERMS PRICE PRICE 100 Net $1OgKe! PRICE 0 Hel 00 e100 Ket “DONT SHOUT” “Lean hear pensive. No toetal, wives nor rubber. Can be used by anyone, young or old. Morley Phone ‘for the DEAF is to the ears what glasses are to theeyes, Write For Free Booklet containing testimonials of users all over the country. It | affocds relief, Over a quarter of a milion caurerof deafn Ishow and whythe MORLEY PHONE THE MORLEY CO., Dept. 770, Perry Bldg., Phila.