Life — July 19, 1917 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

108 A Better Idea Than Ours? Editor of Lire: In common with many other journals. Lire is urging free spending of moncy, lest through over-economy a business de- pression may occur, But with food prices doing an upward spiral, how can those of us who are obliged to abandon the long-cherished desire to own a victrola or a Ford, in order to pay the grocer, follow your advice? Very few of us are suffering from swelling pocketbooks through the war, but, on the contrary, have frequent chances to see the color of the lining. And how can prices of food ever come down if we continue boosting them by following the very course that causes them to ascend? It is the demand for labor to provide the many unnecessaries of life that has drawn on agricultural labor until millions of fertile acres are lying idle and we are not even able to harvest the crops we sow. Re- member that the rise of prices of food is world-wide and that it has been in prog- ress for more than a century, though, of course, accelerated by war conditions and—I might add—automobiles. Remem- ber, too, that a century ago ninety-five per cent. of the population of the United States was engaged in agriculture, as against less than thirteen per cent. to- day. There is a plan that beats yours to a standstill: Let everybody economize. Let a number of such shops, offices and fac- tories as cater to our luxury close and throw hundreds of laborers out of em- ployment. Let the government stand authorized and ready to arrange for the employment of the liberated labor in agricultural projects, and let it in capital to invest in similar projects by guaranteeing attractive profits. Then let everybody watch the famine spectre dis- solve into thin air, the Germans retreat to Berlin, food prices float gently down to earth, and a most unlovely and unad- justable scrap between famine-pinched labor and famine-pinched capital (now staged for next year, unless we do something more energetic than we show signs of doing) waft itself away in smoke. This substitute plan has this advan- tage—we shall otherwise be forced to it eventually, by famine and bloody vio- lence; while by adopting it voluntarily now we can avoid these uncomfortable concomitants and at the same time enjoy the agreeable sensation of performing a patriotic duty. Hexry Otpys, Silver Spring, Maryland, June, 1917. a i i HH nL EE —_= =— SSS seers q Blinks (of the Home Defense): Look HERE! I'VE BROUGHT THIS CON- FOUNDED UNIFORM BACK FOR ALTERATION THREE TIMES, AND IT DOESN'T FIT YET, DON'T YOU KNOW IT’S JUST THIS SORT OF INEFFICIENCY THAT'S PROLONG- ING THE WAR? Who's Who in Hell Note: This compilation subject to change. New arrivals hourly expected. Important additions in next issue. Make reservations now. Always a chance at the bottom. Climate at this resort absolutely guaranteed. Boiling, frying, roasting on easy terms. Smoking allowed every- where. Private furnace if preferred. Procrustean folding beds. Brimstone baths. Address all communications, impreca- tions, ete, to SATAN, alias Beelzebub, alias Old Nick, ete., etc. Awanias: Press Agent, campaign lit- erature and party platforms supplied; Forecaster Abaddon Weather Bureau; Editor “The Daily Temperature phur Lake Fisherman's Club. Borota, Lucretia: Dept. Pub. Health; Sheol Soc., Compulsory Vaccination; Pres, Pluto Pharmaceutical Assn.; Mfg. Borgia’s Baffling Breakfast Food, Lucre- tia’s Suspicious Sweetmeats, etc. Cain: Oldest Inhabitant;° Prop. Eden Musee; first in Hell to establish the club as a means of promoting Brotherly Love. Caticua: Prof. Cremation, College of Pyrology; Inspector Sweat Shops; Author “ Dead Heats,” ete. Detian: Erebus Beauty and Hair- Dressing Parlors, horns manicured, tails curled, skinning alive, etc.; Originator Sampson Hair Restorer. Hotorerxes: Tophet Soc. for Exten- sion Hebrew Extermination ; Author “ By Their Noses Shall They Be Known.’ (Continued on page 117) "; Sul-