Life — July 5, 1917 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OLIS i CONTEMPOR ARIES One on Miss Perkins Young Miss Perkins, whose beauty /s equal to cher bluntness in conversation, was visiting at a house where, among other guests, was the eldest son of a rich manufacturer, who was commonly looked upon as a very eligible husband. The talk turned on matrimonial squabbles. Said the young man: “T hold that the correct thing for the husband is to begin as he intends to go on. Say that the question was one of smoking. Almost immediately I would how my intentions by lighting a cigar and settling the question forever.” “And I would knock the thing out of your mouth!” cried the imperious beauty. “Do you know,” rejoined the young man, “I don't think you would be there! "—Tit-Bits, Wine Jelly when flavored with Abbott's Bitters is made more delightful and healthful. Sample of bitters, by mail, cts, in stamps. C, W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. | Inappropriate Generosity Haicut: After touring the world for fifteen years, Belva Peddleman, known among musical critics as the “ woman Paderewski,”' went back to her home town the other evening and treated her former neighbors to a splendid classical recital. Nuno: Did the people show any ap- preciation ? Haicut: Oh, yes; the next day they held a meeting and voted to send the lady a thousand-dollar player-piano. —The Lamb. DUNLOP GOLF BALLS HE difference between los- ing and winning frequently depends on the ball you use, The DUNLOP user has a handi- cap; the British-made DUN- LOPS travel farther and surer! Try"29"" DWTS or "31"? DWTS $10 per dozen 85c. each For sale by Golf Professionals Dunlop Rubber Co. nna DaalopTired Radder Gowds (e..Lt6,Toroate What is the matter with the United States? See HUBERT HOWE BANCROFT’S new book “In These Latter Days” At the Bookstores, $2. H you would know the true inwardness of the Japanese situation ia California, read Grifing Bancroft's novel “The loterlopers.”” Master and Maid in the Motor Sarah Jane was everything that a do- mestic servant should be, save for this one fault, which, alas! human flesh is heir to. She was very jealous of a cer- tain Mrs, Scraggs, a former fellow-serv- ant, who never tired of writing to tell her of the glories of her new home. “To think of her sauce and airs and graces, ma'am!" she said to her mis- tress. “Eliza Scraggs writes saying that she has a conservatory of her own. Rats! I'll lay all the conservatory she’s got is a couple of cracked flower-pots with gera- niums in them on the kitchen window- sill! T'll get even with her!” “ You should not let such trifles trouble you, Sarah,” said her mistress. “Well, ma'am, whether or not, I am going to ask you a favor.” “What is that, Sarah?” “T was thinking, if I got the photog- rapher to come up, perhaps you would not mind me and the master being taken together in the motor. That would be a settler for ‘Liza when I send her the photograph !""—Tit-Bits. “THE MANOR”~Axheville, North Carolina IN AMERICA—AN ENGLISH INN—Perfect GOLF. A Keen Observer The following dialogue, which took place when a Hungarian applied for nat- uralization papers, is reported. “Who is President of the United States?" “ Meester Vilson.” “Who makes the laws?” “De Kungress.” “Who elects the President?” “ California.” He got his papers.—Everybody's Had His Game Trapped A young Swede appeared at the county judge's office and asked for a license. “What kind of a license?” asked the “A hunting license?” was the answer, “Aye tank aye bane hunting long enough. Aye want marriage license.”"—Freeman’s Journal. Youxe Jounny had been reading the evening paper, and paused contemplative- ly for a few moments, “ Father,” said he, “what is ‘inertia’ “Well,” replied the father, “if I have it, it's pure laziness; but if your mother has it, it is nervous prostration.” —Tit-Bits, The Week-end in the Country can be made ideally enjoyable for both guest host by means of It prowetes hospitality, sociability and sum. mer comfort by disseminating good cheer in the happiest | way: ny Srom wearest deater cm Eras 4 9008” “Eatad. 1700 MAKES THE PERFECT COCKTAIL, HIGHBALL OR RICKEY. Folder containing recipes of famous Bacardi drinks Hed on reat ues D.s. DF 127 Water Street, New York