Life — March 29, 1917 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UR_ ro OL ONTEMPO ARIES | 766 a a Dignity and Impudence A trawler one evening came into a port’ whére lay ‘at anchor a. déstroyer fiotilla, She dropped her “hook” foul of the first and second ships, and the etlorts of the officer of the watch on the leading ship to move her were fruitless. On the matter being reported to the Commodore, he went aft and hailed the intruder. “ Hullo, there. You're foul of my billet, ond you must clear out and anchor else where. I'm in command of this flotilla— who are you?’ Back came the answer, appalling in its audacity and disregard of Service con vention: “Ah'm the Star o' Bethlehem—and Ah've set for th’ night.” —London Op althfal. Abbott & Tits minister was struggling to put on a new four-ply collar, and the perspira- tion was starting from every pore. “Bless the collar!” he ejaculated. “Oh, yes, bless it! Bless the blessed coltar “My dear,” said his wife, “‘w your text for this morning's sermo: fourteenth verse, f-fifth-fifth Psalm,” he replied in short gasps. "The w-words of his m-mouth were s-smoother than b-butter, but w-war was in his b-heart."—Tit-Bits. The Peer of all bev- erages— full rich flavor, di- rect from the land of the thistle EGYPTIAN DEITIES Pople of culture, refinement wt clin eu PREFER. Deities ang other cigarte. 25° Sing Igyros Makers of the Highest Gnade Turkish and Eqyphan Cigarettes in the World lent circ gular to A Great Discovery Little Doris is very polite. The other day she otiered her aunt « share of her candy. “Will have a sugared almond she asked sweetly, at the same time tendering the paper bag. “Thank you, I will,” replied her aunt And as she was particular what she she selected a white one. “Auntie,” said little Doris, “do you know the difference between the pink and the white almonds?” “No, dear,” said auntie with a kindly smile. “Well, T'll tell you.” explained Doris “ They were all pink once, and I sucked all the pink off the white ones. Didn't I do it nicely? "—Youth's Companion. Quid Pro Quo “Excuse me.” said the waiter, “ but this quarter you gave me for a tip is pewter.” “Well, you brought me a cold-storage egg and oleomargarine.” —Washington Star. Mrs. Kawter (discussing the war): Belgium should be restored, of course Mrs. Buvxpersy: Yes, and, as our President suggests, I think there should be anatomy for Poland —Boston Transcript. hoest who of all the whos is the one who has the ordinary com- mon sense and foresight to tell his newsdealer that he wants a copy of Lire saved for him every week. No Medical Terms, Vir Publishing Co, =" *eidig. ttt te Artre the Battle of Mons an congratulated an Irishman on his spicuous bravery under fire. “Well, Pat.” he said, “how did yo feel during the engagement?" “Feel, captain,” answered Pat. “I felt as if ivvery hair on me head was a band of music, and they were all playing “Home, Sweet Home.’ "—Everybors's STALL’S BOO! 8 Books on Avoided Subjec What a Young Boy Ought to Know ta Young Man Ought 19 What a Young Hesband Ought t What a Man of 45 Oush Y What » Yoana Git Ought to Know What «Young Woman Oveht — Kore What ‘Wife Ouch to Keow Up to date. Whata Womaa of 3 Oct & Books, $1 each, post free. Table cont free. If you are familiar with New York and d Newport society, can you pick out the real personages a} Confessions Of A Social Secretary By CORINNE LOWE ? AC cad M Who is Mrs. Rhinebeck Cuttle? SOCKTAL Who is Tommy Oggle Who is Undine Plutenberg ? $1.25 net HARPER | & BROTHERS 1) ATT $ DEIONE comichooks.gom