Life, 1917-03-22 · page 34 of 38
Life — March 22, 1917 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine contains several short humorous anecdotes under "Our Foolish Contemporaries"—satirizing common human absurdities. **"A Promising Recruit"** mocks military incompetence: a new soldier, asked what he'd do if a battleship crossed the parade ground, replies he'd report to the hospital for examination—suggesting either stupidity or cowardice. **"Honesty or Pride?"** presents ironic commentary on a girl struck by a stone during boys' fighting. When told she's an "innocent bystander," she corrects the adult: she *was* what they were fighting about—reversing expectations about innocence and fault. **The professor anecdote** satirizes absent-minded academics: a professor describes a revolving door as "an extended corridor that has no ultimate termination," oblivious to his actual predicament. **The horticulturist joke** uses dark humor: asked how to distinguish poisonous from edible fungi, an expert bluntly replies "Eat 'em"—implying trial-and-error with potentially fatal consequences. The page primarily advertises whiskey, cleaning products, and auction bridge books alongside this satirical content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
498 OUR, FOOLISH CONTEMPORARIES AG er A Promising Recruit The officer of the day, during his tour ab /duty, patised lovquesilon a wentryiwho was a new recruit. “If you should see an armed party ap: proaching, what would you do?” asked the officer. . “Turn out the guard, sir.” “Very well. Suppose you sa ship:-coming:across the: para what would you do?” “Report to the hospital for examina- tion, sir,” was the prompt reply. —Horper’s Magazine, A teaspoonful of Abbott's Bitters with your Grape Fruit makes an ideal appetizing tonic. Sample of bitters by mail, Bets in stamps. C.W. Abbott & Co.. Baltimore, hid. Honesty or Pride? “What's the matter, little girl?” “Two boys were fightin’, and I got struck with a stone.” “That's it; the innocent bystander al- ways gets hurt.” “But I don't know as I was an inno- cent bystander. I was what they was fightin’ about."—Yonkers Statesman, | CARBQWA ' pomipeiee: Fluid Bensines Ne Gtroltne Zor ail Cleaning purposes $54 We SoD Alt Drugtists BACARDI tryit: MAKES THE PERFECT COCKTAIL, HIGHBALL OR RICKEY. Folder containt JONGH. ae Street, New Vork “It’s an extended corridor that has no ultimate termination,” mused the absent- minded professor, as he patiently plodded around the revolving doorway. —Pelican. GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER 50 cents the case of 6 glass stoppered bottles Tue Sweet Young Thing approached the famous horticulturist gushingly. “Tell me,” she begged, “the best way to distinguish the poisonous fungi from the edible.” “ Eat 'em,” was the curt rejoinder. —The Tourist. The moderate man is a happy man. His self-control begets a well poised Every Auction Player Needs Milton C. Work’s New Book AUCTION DECLARATIONS Containing the Laws of 1917 Explains the principles which underlie every declaration, and a system which makes it easy to determine the best bid ¥) with any given hand. Containsmanyillustrativehands. AN ACCEPTED AUTHORITY f.4"7\: Card Committee. Whist Club of New York, and author of “Auction Under the Laws of 1915,” ete. 288 pages, Cloth, $1.00 De Luxe Leather Edition, $2.00 At all bookstores and stationers, or by mail from THE JOHN C. WINSTON CO.. Publishers 319 Winston Bldg. attitude toward all his affairs, both in and out of business. And thus you will find him in moderation, a wonderfully at ings mellow Whiskey—Wilson—Real Wilson—That’s All! e The Whiskey for which we invented the Non-Refillable Bottle FREE CLUB RECIPES—Free booklet of famous club recipes for’ mixed drinks. Address Wilson, 13 E. 31st St, N.Y. That's All! THE CAT AND THE CANARY comicbooks.com