Life — March 8, 1917 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ee oi Advertisements You Have Never Seen Banish haf Tooth On Ruffentumble ICE SKATES. Strictly Modem “THE trouble with most of us,” said Enterby proudly, opening the door to his house, “is that we are not ready to take advantage of all of the new move- ments, You will spend a few weeks with me, will you not?” I had just returned from a long trip abroad, and my friend's invitation cheered me. “Certainly, old fellow,” I replied. “In the meantime tell me about your latest.” He waved his arms proudly around. “You behold,” he said, “a servantless home. The very latest thing.” He pressed a button. The door from the kitchen opened, and a small table rolled out on rails. Upon it reposed a dish of raw turnips and apples. “This is our dinner,” he observed proudly. “What is the idea?” “Quite simple. The great scientist, Professor Von Pugson, has discovered that raw food is the ideal nourishment. One meal a day is quite enough. Fall to, old man.” The meal eaten, he took me upstairs. “You use folding beds, do you?” I said, looking at sundry odd pieces of furniture. “No, indeed!" said Enterby. don't sleep any more.” “What!” “No—not necessary, since Mr. Edison made his great discovery. I began with “We Por Rheumatism Or bs Chest-Pains HELZF LINIMENT, | “The Skin-toasting Torment That || Teaches YouTo Let Well Enough ~ Alone. ee Demawlish PASTE. It Gets Them A)) If You)) Give It Time four hours a day, and gradually cut it off, so that I have not slept now for a couple of years.” “Do you mean to say He indicated a couch. i¢ there ina certain position, as indicated by the little instrument at the head, and in five min- utes’ time you are made over—continuous work—constant recreation.” T got up to go. My voice was firm. “ Excuse me, old fellow,” I said, “ but this is no place for me. No servants, nothing to eat, no sleep; I am going over to the hotel and pay my board like a man.” He shook me by the hand cordially. “My latest lessons in non-resistance prevent me from asking you to stay,” ho said, with a glad smile. “ You must do as you please, but will come to it. Ta ta.” I opened the door once more and stuck my head inside. “ By the way,” I said, “one thing I forgot to ask you. The last time I was here you were married. Where is your wife?” Enterby laughed back: “You don't understand, old chap. My wife is merely a phenomenon of consciousness. The visible presence that I once called my wife is, I believe, on the stump, can- vassing for votes for mayor, but she really does not exist. You see, I belong to the modern philosopher's school of Cubists, Futurists, Post-Impressionists, Pragmatists—"" “And damn foolishness,” I muttered, as I went over to the hotel and ordered a square meal. But Did the’ Bull Know It? OMMANDING OFFICER (during sham battle): Your company is to charge across that field and attack the enemy beyond. But, I say, how about those vicious-looking bulls in that field? ComMaNpiIne Orricer: Oh, that has all been provided for jn the rules. Those bulls are all supposed to be on your side. WIGGERS: Is he lucky? Jiccers: Lucky! Why, that man can walk across Fifth Avenuc without getting killed by an automobile! comicbooks.com