Life, 1917-03-01 · page 30 of 42
Life — March 1, 1917 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Life page contains two satirical pieces about American consumer culture and Prohibition. **"Doomed"** mocks an easily manipulated Ass who encounters Fifth Avenue merchants—a haberdasher, a woman, a department store manager, and a jeweler—each convincing him to make frivolous purchases on credit. The satire targets both gullible consumers and merchants exploiting them with fake "exclusive" sales and charge accounts. **"Difficult Evolution"** uses animals as political figures: the Donkey and Elephant (Democratic and Republican parties) suffer in a desert while a Camel (representing Prohibition advocates) passes by smugly. The poem ridicules Prohibition as impractical and cruel—the animals cannot "evolve" water tanks as the Camel suggests, just as Americans cannot adapt to Prohibition laws. The caption references William Jennings Bryan's prediction that all states would be "dry" by 1930, treating the prediction as absurdly naive. Both pieces critique 1920s excess—whether through unchecked consumer spending or failed social engineering via Prohibition.
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Doomed A N Ass who had nothing better to do, and who, above all other things, wished to be amused, decided one day to stroll along Fifth Avenue. He had not gone far before he was joined by a haberdasher. “Your form is exceedingly bad,” said the haberdasher, “T would recommend some seventy- two-dollar shirts, a couple of thirty- dollar waistcoats and some four-dollar cravats. No references required. Your face is enough.” “Don't stop there,” said the Ass, complacently. “I'll also take a fluted silk dressing gown, some polka-dot hose and, and—oh, anything else.” The Ass went along a little way fur- ther and met a handsome woman. “Will you marry me?” said the handsome woman. “Certainly,” said the Ass, “if you can find a church.” “I always get married in this church,” said the handsome woman. After they were married they went along a little further and met a depart- ment store manager. “We are having a very exclusive sale to-day,” said the department store manager. “Something which, aside from a circular letter we have sent to our patrons and one or two full-page advertisements in the morning papers, nobody knows anything about. As you, I presume, have a charge account you can order anything you want without experiencing the intensely disagreeable sensation of having to pay for it.” “By the way,” said the Ass, after they had, in accordance with the ad- vice of the department store manager, visited the sale, and were now strolling along a little further, “I forgot to buy you a ring.” “TI keep not only rings, but other diamond trifles,” said a passing je eler, who guided them carefully into his place. “Now here, for example, is a pendant worth at least three hun- dred dollars, which we sell for only eight hundred dollars. Certainly you can have it charged, if you have an ac- count in the department store.” And so they went along a little fur- ther and met a real estate man. (Continued on page 370) Wo Difficult Evolution (This fable contains a warning apropos of the fact that the last elections added umn, making fourteen in all) four States to the prehibition co 'HE Donkey and the Elephant were in a desert land; To north and south, to east and west was naught but barren sand. The Elephant grew thirsty, and the Donkey was the same, And the ground was dry beneath them and the sky was all aflame, And they travelled and they travelled till they couldn't travel more; Then they sank to earth a-panting and they thought their days were o'er. But the Prohibition Camel lumbered nonchalantly by, And he calmly cast upon them a com- miserating eye. “Tf you'll only,” said the Camel, “ grow a stomach like to mine, EVERY MAN HIS OWN DISTILLER “* By 1930 every State in the Union will be dry,’ says Wm, J. Bryan.” —News item, With an extra water tank or two, you'd find it very fine. I advise you,” said the Camel, “to be- gin to evolute,” And he left the panting creatures with a swagger quite astute. “Alas!” exclaimed the Elephant, Alas!" the Donkey groaned. “That sage advice comes all too late,” the arid mammals moaned. “For how, without a water tank, in lands without a spring, Are we to grow a water tank, or sprout out anything?” And the Prohibition Camel gave a mild, sarcastic nod, As he lumbered o'er the desert with a plod, plod, plod. Amos R. Wells. The Miseries of Man A Few of the Expressions That Are Responsible for Them. “| LOVE you.” No! “Charge it.” “Take yours.” “Sorry, old man, but I can't pay back that ten I owe you till next week.” “ Here’ her, my boy, she’s how.” [REBRISTED ONE (in gut- ter, to benefactor who ea tends helping hand): Stop thash! You're makin’ me look re-dic'lous ! comicbooks.com