Life, 1917-02-08 · page 41 of 42
Life — February 8, 1917 — page 41: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces on marriage and courtship, plus advertising. **"A Song of the Ticker"** is a cautionary poem warning against stock market speculation. The "ticker" (stock-price telegraph machine) is personified as a deceptive creature that appears generous but actually traps investors, draining their wealth while they believe they're growing rich. The satire warns that playing the market leads only to ruin. **"Rather Premature"** is a brief joke: a woman notes that a couple quarrels constantly before marriage, while her friend says they should "wait until they're married"—implying marital conflict is inevitable and expected. **"Where the Sea Winds Moan"** uses extended swimming metaphors to satirize marriage expectations for men. It humorously exaggerates the impossible skills husbands supposedly need: financial management, emotional resilience, domestic duties, and unwavering cheerfulness despite hardship—ultimately suggesting marriage demands superhuman endurance. The page also includes advertisements for Kodak cameras and Purity brand creamed chicken.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
atts) rit Wath A Song of the Ticker "HE ticker is a tricker: in its paltry paper coils It will wind you, it will bind you firm as fate; With its whirring and its purring it will have you in its toils, And your waking will be woefully too late. While you think it’s giving out it will calmly take you in; While you think you're getting rich you're getting poor; ‘Twill cajole you and control, you, it will promise you will win, It will draw you to destruction with its lure. For the ticker is a tricker: down be- low its glassy top There's a waiting and ingratiating maw; In its heartless, hollow deep you will hear your ducats drop As it grabs them with its snaky paper paw. Yes, the ticker is a tricker; and the way to turn the trick Is to leave the crafty creature quite alone; If you dicker with the tricker you'll be playing with Old Nick— A game that has no gaining but a groan, Amos R. Wells. Rather Premature ADGE: She and her fiance are quarreling all the time, Maryore: Yes, isn’t it dreadful! Why don’t they wait until they're mar- ried? HE reason Archimedes failed to prove his theory was that just when he had found a place for the fulcrum of the lever, which was to move the world, he remembered he had failed to order Lire. in advanceand made @ bolt for the nearest newsdealer’s. Raily Creda. Creaméd Chicken alaki ng The Choice Delicacy of, Lad “Four Handred”* ‘ Granger RS Loret ctr scr by Kodak knows no dark days With its allies, the Kodak flash sheets and a Kodak flash sheet holder, your Kodak camera is ready for every picture opportunity. Ask your dealer or write us for our little booklet “By Flashlight.” There’s no charge. EASTMAN KODAK CO., Rocuester, N. Y., The Kodak City. Where the Sea Winds Moan O gentleman should leap into the raging sea of matrimony until he knows something about swimming. He should be able to tread water, side step, float on his back, four- flush, swim under water, crawl on the bottom, dive handily, hold his breath a week, do the getaway stroke, distance swim and Niagara Falls plunge, He must come up smiling, avoid the undertow, take a slap in the countenance from a wave as big as a house and fail to notice the cold water. He must be his own chauffeur, sailor, captain, superintendent, best man, stoker and life saver, If he doesn't know how to beat the current, fool the tide and swim backward with a millstone about his neck—let him bee-ware the raging deep. He must positively be equipped to weather a blow, breast a hurricane, be stripped to his hide, and yet cavort unafraid on a tempestuous beach with the sand in his eyes, a gallon of water in his breathing apparatus and a song in his soul. If he fails to sing he is lost. Fred Ladd. comicbooks:com