Life, 1917-02-08 · page 28 of 42
Life — February 8, 1917 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"Congress! My Congress!"** is a bitter complaint poem personifying America as an angry parent to Congress. The citizen-speaker claims to have created Congress through voting, giving it "soul and heart," yet Congress squanders resources on "pork" (wasteful spending) while the parent labors to support it financially. The satire accuses Congress of incompetence and of ruling over rather than serving the people—"You fool me and rule me!" **"Purely Commercial"** mocks superficial courtship: a woman asks not to be judged by her father's wealth, but the man refuses her because cosmetics and dyes are expensive—reducing her to her appearance. **"The Ticker for the Home"** jokes about women's fashion reporting appearing in financial sections. **"Making Money"** sarcastically suggests warring nations profit from stock manipulation via peace/war rumors—satirizing financial speculation during wartime. **"Their Home"** contrasts romantic ideals: he envisions a modest farmhouse; she envisions wealth (stone mansion, waiting car)—a dig at materialism in relationships. The page reflects early-20th-century American anxieties about government waste, financial manipulation, and materialism.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Congress! My Congress! (By an American Citizen) ONGRESS! My Congress! 'Tis more than I can bear In Washington to hear you and watch your bungling there! 'Twas I who really made you, ? And have I not displayed you Asif I were so proud of you? Your blunders I must share! Congress! My Congress! A child of mine thou art. I brought.thee into being; I gave thee soul and heart. 'Twas not from undue kindness But in my arrant blindness I made thee King and crowned thee and bade thee play thy part. : Congress! My Congress! In pork you revel- deep Because, when I had made you, I straightway went to sleep. I've had to earn my living; How could I then be giving My time to your upbringing? (I pay your board and keep!) Congress! My Congress! I hear your loud demands ; I hear you and I heed you as one who understands Too late my way to alter. In fear of you I falter. You fool me and rule me! I have you on my hands! T. L. Af. Purely Commercial She said; “I want you to take me at SCAROLL! my face value: don’t judge me by my father’s wealth. Cuirronape: And what did you say? Escarotte: Why, I told her that the present price of dyes, paints and cosmetics was so high that I couldn't afford to be associated with her. THE TICKER FOR THE HOME She (reading): SKIRTS WILL BE WORN TWO INCHES BELOW THE KNEE AFTER TWELVE-THIRTY TO-MORROW Peace: NEVER THROUGH THAT DooR! Making Money HE recent fluctuations in Wall Street serve to suggest to the warring nations a method of making money that apparently has not, as yet, been tried by any of them. Let the Government go on the stock market, Bourse or Exchange or what not, and by means of peace and war rumors, drive the stocks up and down until there has been a total change of three or four billions. The Government, being “on the inside,” will, of course, be able to make all these billions, and in this way money for the war will be readily and painlessly extracted. That the money will be largely on paper will make no essential difference. High finance prefers its values to be paper values; and the more fictitious the values are, the more elevated the altitude of the finance. Their Home WO lovers sat in the moonlight, whispering tenderly. They spoke of their love, their life, and the home that was to be, And he saw a farmhouse set in fields that were wide and green, While she saw a gray stone front and a waiting limousine. comicbooks.com