Life — January 4, 1917 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

34 OUR FOOLISH CONTEMPORARIES — A Sure Way Congressman Charles R. Davis of Min- nesota relates that one afternoon a tra on a Western railroad stopped at a small station, when one of the passengers, in looking over the place, found his gaze fixed upon an interesting sign. Hurry- ing to the side of the conductor, he eagerly inquired: “Do you think that I will have time to get a soda before the train starts?” “Oh, yes,” answered the conductor. “But suppose,” suggested the thirsty passenger, “that the train should go on without me?” “We can easily fix that,” promptly replied the conductor. “I will go along and have one with you."—Araonaut, Jo tasty and delightfal by axing AU by mail, acts Inetamps, CG. Abbott & Cou, ts Binks: Shafer, do you know that woman across the street? tarex: She certainly looks familiar, Let me see. It's my wife's new dress, my daughter's hat and my mother-in- law's parasol—sure! It’s our cook. —Philadelphia Ledger. “Do you drink coffce?” asked the doc- tor of an aged patient. “Yes.” was the repl “ Coffee,” continued the M.D., “is a slow poison.” “Yes, very slow,” replied the old man, “T have taken it daily for nearly eighty years.”"—Tit-Bits. Sue: Do you think it will be all right for us after we are married to settle a couple of squares away from my family? He: 1 was going to say a couple of states —Dallas News. Correct Footwear Darker shades of “P. B. & C."* Various Colored Kid to, match the gown will continue to be worn better dressed women throughour the winter months. Colored Kid vamp wal ll also be seen in combination with tops of “*F. B. & C."” White Washable Glazed Kid No. 81 ‘Whole shoes of “F. B. & C." White Washable Glazed Kid No. 81 are smart at any season. “FB. & C." Bronze Kid Shoes for both day and wear should form a part of every well Sesed woman's wardrobe SF B&G” Red wae only leather, that “fits oa Five ioot ike @ love oa the band.” Make surethe “F.B.&.C." tagsare pepe! mitsicg Kes you buy, and there is” If your dealer cannot supply you, write to us. Fashion Publicity Company of New York EGYPTIAN DEITIES Sal rs Bek fakes PREFER Dated % any other agate, 25° hrargy cs A Brutal Attack An actor visited a beauty doctor to see if he could have something done for his nose. The beauty doctor studied the organ, and suggested a complicated straightening and remoulding process— cost, twenty guineas. “ you,” said the actor thought- He stroked his nose before the regarding it from all sides I think I'l yo you. But, look here, do you promise to give my nose— er—ideal beauty?” The surgeon gave a loud, brutal Is “As to ideal beauty, I can't say,” he replied, “but, by gosh! I couldn't help improving it a lot if I hit it with a ham- mer."—London Opinion, Coming and Going A struggling maker of humorous quips tried to break into a leading publication. He sent the editor one of his favorite mots. It was returned, with this comment: “ Too original to be good.” He sent another. This time the comment was “ Too good to be original.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. Business Instinct In the second act of a certain play the curtain rises on an empty stage; then presently a meck-looking young man with a dustcoat over his arm comes on and loudly calls: “Uncle! Uncle!” Accord- ing to the book of the play he should receive no answer, and, after a pause, should proceed with a monologue. One night, however, a voice was heard from the gallery: “All right. I'm coming in a moment. How much do you want on it? "Argonaut. “No, I don’t speak German, but I got along pretty well in Berlin without knowing the language.” “That so?” “Yes; for instance, one day I wanted a drink, and I went into a beer arden and said to the waiter, ‘Look here, old man, I'm: dry! Do you understand— dry! and the next minute he came back with three beers."—Boston Transcri “Now, where do you want your speech to come?” “Put me on before the celery is served. Two hundred people eating eck cry in unison makes it very difficy be heard."—Louisville Courier-Journ 131 ff 1786 °t358"1917 BACARDI Ena MAKES THE PERFECT COCKTAIL, HIGHBALL OR RICKEY, Folder containing recipes of famous Bacard! di mailed on request D. 8, DEJONGH, 127 Water Street, SOMIGHOOKSEC OM