Life, 1916-11-16 · page 30 of 46
Life — November 16, 1916 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Life magazine contains several short humorous pieces typical of early-20th-century satirical journalism: **"Trouble That Never Came"** — A poem about worrying over imagined problems that never materialize, suggesting people waste energy on anxiety. **"Figures Grow"** — A brief joke about wartime inflation: a waiter insists 9+9=19 because "everything has been augmented by the war," mocking how WWI drove up prices across society. **"The Man Who Never Learned to Swear"** — An Irish gang boss in Haiti curses his workers in English ("alles"), then regrets learning the local language, implying cultural/linguistic frustration in foreign work settings. The remaining items are brief jokes about baseball, music lessons, and medical treatment (the "anti-antitoxin" joke about contradictory treatments). The page also contains a Clysmic sparkling water advertisement and an unrelated cartoon about a bedridden patient. These are light, everyday humor pieces rather than political satire—typical of Life's comedic content during the WWI era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Trouble That Never Came Oh, I worry over this thing and I worry over that, But I notice when the atmosphere has cleared That the bad luck I had looked for didn’t come and knock me flat, And I didn’t have the trouble that 1 feared, Ch, 1 like to start the morning with an apprehensive sigh, For I find a bit of worry to my taste. But I cannot help a-thinking as the years go speeding by, That an awful lot of worry goes to waste.—Pittsburg Post. Figures Grow Gerst: Good gracious, waiter! Nine and nine makes eighteen, not nineteen! Warter: Ab, but monsieur must re- member that everything has been aug- mented by the war. —Southern Woman's Magazine. —_——sS THE MAN WHO NEVER LEARNED TO SWEAR Poor Patrick! An old but sturdy Irishman, who had made a reputation as a gang boss, was given a job with a railroad construction ig company at Port-au-Prince, Haiti, One when the sun was hotter than usual his gang of black Haitians began to shirk and as the chief engineer rode up on his horse the Irishman was heard to shout “ Alles—you sons of guns—alle:!” Then, turning to the engineer, he said “T curse the day I iver learned their lan- guage."—Harper's Magazine. First Girt: Katherine doesn’t under stand baseball at all. Srcoxp Girt: She doesn't? First Girt: No. Why, the other day she went to a game and fell in love with the umpire—Boston Transcript. “T unperstaxp that your daughter is going to take music lessons.” “Not exactly,” replied Farmer Corn- tossel. “We haven't the heart to tell > her that her voice sounds: terrible, so we're goin’ to hire a regular teacher to do it."—Washington Star. Lire is published every Thursday, simultancously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions, Title registered in U. S. Patent Office. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, s2 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print. The text and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain epply to Live, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E.. C., Engian A sparkling table water that contains fifteen grains of lithia salts to the gallon. ‘old everywhere in splits, pints and quarts. Don’t accept ordinary waters. Insist on genuine sellers in all the. principal cities in the world. The foreign trade supplied {roa Lirr's London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. C. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by ‘stamped and add envelope. Lire does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of licited contributions. . Notice of change of address should reachgthis office ten days prior to the dete ¢ issue to be affected. for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from book “1 CAN'T UNDEKSTAND WHY YOU SHOULD BE FEVERISH, 17 K THAT 1 INJECTED EIGHT DIFFERENT ANTI WAS ONLY LAST TOXINS INTO YOU, “ PERHAPS, DOC, WHAT I NEED NOW IS AN ANTI-ANTITOXIN.”