Life — August 24, 1916 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Vocational Back A certain professor, who was a re- markably fine, well-built man, was stay- ing at a village some time ago. He happened to pass two men carting flour, and overheard this conversation: ay, Bill, who's that?” “That's the professor what's staying here,” was Bill's reply; “they say as how he’s very learned “What a spoilt man,” rejoined the other. “I never in my life see’d such a back for a sack of flour.”"—Tit-Bits. Tro: Tom is trying to raise money. I guess he has to remargin his stocks. Neo: Yes; he told me the war brides he invested in are calling for more ali- mony.—The Lamb. Tuy used to talk loosely about “ dead- ly night air.” Now that your neighbor has a phonograph, it is true! —Bufalo Express. “ALL DONE UP” Safety in Numbers “IT have here,” said the agent, “a utensil that no housekeeper can afford to be without.” “What is it?” asked the woman at the door, “It’s a combined corkscrew, can-open- er, pocket-knife, screwdriver, tack-ham- mer, glass cutter and—" “Hold on a minute. 1 don’t want one of those things. “Why not? “By keeping all those tools separate it is impossible for my husband to lose more than one at a time.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. No Choice in the Matter A popular archdeacon whilst out one day with his dog and gun met a parish- ioner. “T hope,” said the archdeacon, “you attend church regularly and read your Bible?” “I do read my Bible,” replied the parishioner; and added, in a severe tone, “but I nowhere find that the Apostles went out shooting.” “No,” said the archdeacon; “the shooting was very bad in Palestine, so they went fishing instead."—Tit-Bits. Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions. "$5.00 a year in advance, Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.94 a year; to Canada, sz cents, Single cur- rent copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to toro out of pr The text and illustrations in Live are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Lave, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. C., England. by Perrier, errie RENCH NATURA} SPARKLING TABLE WATER For ahigh-clac H ballsay PERRI: HE. most unprejudiced thing in the world is a refined palate, and American epicures were quick to acknowledge the subtle supeni- ority of Perrier Water—the crystal-pure spark- ling natural water that has so quickly captured the epicurean blue ribbon. There is no saltiness in Perrier, the great reason why it combines so perfectly with Wines and Spirits. Obtainable at all high-class Hotels, Restaurants ‘and Grocers. Perrier, Lrp. SIS Longacre Bide. Cor. Broadway & 424 St., New York. Dabble wih is own carbonic gas, Lire is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from sellers in all the principal cities in the world. The foreign trade supplied Live's London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. C. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. L does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of unso- licited contributions. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any from change of address. S. Eom