Life, 1916-05-25 · page 28 of 40
Life — May 25, 1916 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century American concerns: **"Here's to 'Em"**: Mocks suffragist Ruth Astor Noyes's platform advocating women showing their legs (shorter skirts). The author sarcastically pretends shock that anyone would object to women's legs, then praises legs for their economic and social importance—undercutting Noyes's earnest argument through exaggeration. **"The System"**: A dark joke about a trolley conductor fired not for hitting a pedestrian with his car, but for forgetting to ring up the victim's nickel fare. It satirizes corporate bureaucracy's priorities: collecting money matters more than passenger safety. **"How to Keep On Living"**: Mocks Metropolitan Life Insurance's obvious health advice (ensure air in bedrooms) by extending the logic absurdly—be sure food is on your plate, water in your bath. It's satire through literalism, highlighting corporate platitudes. The automobile cartoon at top appears to reference Colonel Marvin (unclear who), showing early-automobile-era humor about getting lost.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Autoist: CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE COLONEL MARVIN LIVES? “17'S ABOUT FIVE MILES FROM HERE. Here's to ‘Em ISS RUTH ASTOR NOYES, a suffragist, is stumping the country on the woman's leg platform. “ What if,” she says, “a woman's skirts do show a wom- an’s legs? We t freedom in our walk and movement.” There is nothing particularly to be said against legs in any form, provided they come in pairs and are not made of wood or other foreign material. Much, indeed, can be said in their favor, even if, as a means of transportation, they have gone out of style. We know a number of respectable and highly moral people who use them to good advantage. Except in the case of bridegrooms and amateur speakers, they hold one up very well indeed. Without them the silk stocking and cabaret industries would dwindle appreciably. But why, we wonder, does Miss Noyes attempt to make us believe that there has ever been any feeling upon this matter? “What if a woman's skirts do show a woman's legs?” she says, as if someone had ever objected. Maybe she is hurt because a few clergymen or moral highbrows have uttered protests against short skirts. But doesn’t she un- derstand that the principal function of clergymen and moral highbrows is to make innocent things look wicked? We beg leave to assure this lady that, so far as we are con- cerned, women’s legs are all right. They have always done pretty much as they pleased. They support about all the luxury and refinement and trade and civilization there is. Long may they wave! The System IRST TROLLEY CONDUCTOR: Why was Kelly fired? Seconp Trottey Conouctor: His car struck a man at Steenth Street and carried him a block on the fender! After collecting a nickel from him, Kelly, in the excite- ment, forgot to ring it up—and the man was a spotter! FOLLER ME AN’ I'LL PINT IT OUT TO YR” How to Keep On Living HE Metropolitan Life Insurance Bulletin says: “ Be sure that there is air in the rooms in which you sleep.” ixcellent advice, indeed! But why stop there? Why not give the other essential rules for those who wish to keep on living to the end of their allotted span? For example: Be sure that there is food upon the plate from which you eat. Be sure that there is some palatable liquid in the vessel from which you drink. Be sure that there is water in the bath tub in which you bathe. By following all of these simple rules almost anyone can live to a happy old age. Stranger: HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING OF A LITTLE WHITE BALL? comicbooks.com