Life — February 24, 1916 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“EVE E* All in a Day’s Work 'HE famous writer for the Belt Line series of yellow journals and author of magazine stories and popular lectures, whose name was a household word, sat him down in response to a passionate demand from four million readers and wrote the following: My Rules for Long Life I am seventy-five years of age and have married and successfully gotten rid of four wives, and never have had a day's illness. Anyone can do as I have done by observing the following rules: Eat plenty of bananas. Drink plenty of pure distilled bottled water between meals. Wear linen underwear. Rub the body dry with horsehair mitts twice a day. Breathe deeply through any good breathing tube. Don’t worry. Then, having sent a bill for advertising to the Banana Trust, the Bottle Trust, the Linen Underwear Trust, the Horsehair Mitt Trust, the Breathing Tube Trust and the Don’t Worry Publishing Company, he went out to take a much-needed auto ride. Reciprocity mustn't do anything to hurt business.” “Perhaps net, but what I'd like to know is when business is going to stop doing things to hurt us.” 'HE German Emperor recently declared that Count Zep- pelin was one of the greatest geniuses the world had ever known. The German standard of genius has appar- ently changed from the purely intellectual atmos- phere of Goethe and Kant to the capacity of ter- LE 7% rorizing mankind in general and killing women @RRi5 and children in particular. The G. O. P.: ‘118 Loves Me, HE LOVES ME NoT— HE LOVES ME’ Brandeis a Touchstone 'OR the Wall Street Journal the ap- pointment of Brandeis is the last straw.. It writes up “Mene, mene tekel upharsin,” quotes “worse than crime, a blunder,” puts dust on its head and dismisses the President from fur- ther notice. That is all evidence of the intensity of the Journal’s bad opinion of Mr. Brandeis. It should consider that a bad appointment that is bad enough is sometimes worth while for the light it throws on the appointing intelligence. There is nothing we want more just now than a conclusive estimate of Mr. Wilson. We want to know how much there is of him; also what he is and what he is not; also who is for him and who against him. If this Bran- deis appointment reveals Mr. Wilson either for better or worse it is worth while on that account alone. If it only shows up Wall Street and its Journal it is of some value. Apparently, however, Mr. Wilson. and the Journal do not see the same man in Mr. Brandeis. If they agreed in defining him, and then one liked and the other loathed him we should know more about all the parties in this matter, We Know the Breed EPRESENTATIVE CLARK of Flotida has successfully jatro- duced himself to the United States. It was he who said last month in the House in a debate on preparedness: I am in favor of reasonable pre- paredness, but if this means that we must stop work on public buildings and other internal improvements I am against preparedness tooth and nail For the old flag, and an appropria- tion!’ Mr. Clark has not only made himself known to all of us, but we all know his family.