Life — January 20, 1916 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

12 Interviews with Dead Celebrities T last, inspired possibly by a sub- tle imperial magnetism, I found him sitting solemnly on one of the old marble slabs in the baths of Caracalla. It was just after dusk, and the evening shadows were beginning to fill Rome with a mysterious beauty. The sounds of the modern town faded from my consciousness, and it was as if once again we two sat together in the heart of the ancient world, with its licentious splendor, its glorious strength. “T often come here,” he said, “and muse upon the good old days.” “My dear sir,” I replied, respect- fully, for I couldn't get it out of my head that he was still emperor, “we don’t know them as good old days. We have a distinct impression that you were a bad man. Didn't you cut up a great deal?” His heavy face relaxed. “T suppose I’m the most abused man in history,” he replied. “Even now they tell, so I understand, a story about my playing the fiddle when, upon one occasion, they had to call out the local fire department. Why, I never could play the fiddle, anyway.” “But you were some poet,” I said, softly. “Indeed I was! Posterity has never done me justice. They have withheld my just due as a poet, and invested me with the character of a criminal.” “Didn't you make Rome howl?” I ventured. He adjusted his amethyst-framed monocle and looked at me severely. 1 fancied even in the half darkness that I could detect the gleam in his ghostly eyes. “Young man,” he said, “although only an imperial shade, I manage to keep myself pretty well informed as to what is going on, owing to the admir- able news reports in that sterling sheet, The Styx Gazette. Let me therefore re- fresh your mind. Were you present at the recent sacking of Louvain and the destruction of Rheims?” I shuddered. “No,” I acknowledged. “GIVE HIM A PENNY, MOTHER, IT ISN'T WORTH A NICKEL” “Possibly you have had occasion re- cently to travel through parts of the Turkish Empire and the Balkan Penin- sula where the Turks have been, and still are, directed by the Germans and occupied in killing and cutting up their neighbors, the Armenians?” I confessed I had not. “You are a member of «hat new nation across the distant water,” he continued. “ Maybe you have recently witnessed a Georgia lynching?” “No, thank you,” I protested. “Or walked through a modern child- labor factory, or seen the guards shoot down women and children in Colo- rado?" “No, I haven't.” Then the great shade of Nero turned upon me. “Young man,” he said, “get down on your knees and say how sorry you are, Until you have witnessed these things I have mentioned, and many more, never dare tell me that I, Nero, was a great criminal or made Rome howl!” Advertisement OIN the National Insecurity League. If you are an American citizen and wish to add to the general confusion, now is the time for you to come for- ward. The National Insecurity League, as its name implies, believes in national insecurity. Are we insecure enough? is the question now agitating every American bosom, It is true that our coast line is undefended, and that we have so many internal dissensions and disagreements and ignorances that it would seem to be all right. But this is an age of the highest inefficiency, and we must make sure. There are many ways in which we can be made more insecure than at present. Mr. Bryan telegraphs: “T am with you heart and soul.” Will you join? One dollar and thirty cents a year, including subscription to the In- security Magazine and a fordcar. HE “ Has Been" is entitled to a lot more credit than the “Never Was.” comicbooks.com