Life — December 30, 1915 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Exit Bartholdt FTER all, Dr. Bartholdt of Mis- souri could not go with Ford. On November 25th he accepted; on No- vember 3oth he withdrew his accept- ance. On November 20th Mr. Ford was quoted as saying in Detroit If the war is stopped now, Eng- land will have done it. If England had not come in when it had, mili- tarism would have overridden France and everything else. I am pro-Brit- ish if the war is stopped now. I mo- tored through that country for 7,000 miles, and all the time in that three months or more I never heard a cross word, the English being the kindest and quietest people I have ever met. It is inferred that Dr. Bartholdt saw the interview and felt at once that the Ship of Peace was no place for him. We owe Henry Ford many cheering holiday thoughts, don’t we? A McClellan for France T ought to be known that the sister of George B. McClellan, the Ger- man apologist, lives in Paris and is supporting the families of eight French soldiers in her house. She is Madame May McClellan Desprez. Her husband, Paul Desprez, was French ambassador to Chile. MAN is known by the servants his wife keeps. “HORRORS! ANOTHER YEAR!" Life’s Spy Reports for Duty Great Change Now Expected in Our International Relationships IFE has just undertaken important enterprise in its his- tory. A professional spy has been en- gaged to protect German interests in this country. He is a fine, noble fel- low, nearly four feet in height, with glossy eyebrows not over six inches long, and is very strong for his age, having stood up before a subway guard for nearly ten minutes before he was knocked out. His name is Patronika Gotsbiffer. “IT mean business,” said Mr. Gots- biffer this morning between his set teeth, as he playfully handled a large, handsome dagger, presented to him by Jane Addams and W. J. Bryan.: “I propose to find out whether Germans can be insulted by the president of any old ammunition factory running in this country, or not.” Last week has been a busy week for us, preparing Mr. Gotsbiffer for his onerous duties. On Monday a recep- tion was given in his honor by the Pacifist Society. Mr. Ford made a short speech. “In order to have a lasting peace,” he said, “ we should arrange matters so that the Germans can’t possibly lose; to do this we must hamper the Allies as much as possible; the less help we give them the longer the war will last, it is true, but nobody ought to dom- inate. I am, therefore, in favor of withdrawing help from everybody ex- cept those who do not need it.” Mr. Bryan sent a telegram that he could not be present as he was writ- ing a prospectus for his coming lec- tures. He said: “Tf we could raise one million Pa- tronika Gotsbiffers over night, the war in America would stop to-morrow.” Tuesday and Wednesday were spent in fitting out Mr. Gotsbiffer with everything necessary to carry out his great work. One hundred tons of dy- namite were presented to him by the city of Pittsburgh, together with the freedom of the city. Said the Mayor: “We must show the world that we are above mere money consideration. How can we do this? By turning the left cheek to every nation. We have been too proud recently in our sup- plying of war orders to the Allies. Mr. Gotsbiffer will show us something better—will point a higher way. We need a good blowing up, anyway.” The Secretary of State has been re- quested to supply Mr. Gotsbiffer with a passport to all of our public build- ings, arsenals and ammunition facto- ries. If he refuses, then application will be made to the Secretaries of the Navy and Army respectively. The rest of the week was spent: in (Continued on page 1295) comicbooks.com