Life — September 16, 1915 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Regular Material HE sociological expert who had been hired by the managers of The Higher Feministic Movement turned to his secretary and said: “Have you consulted the public- document department at Washington and ascertained the birth rate in all insane asylums as compared with the total number of quill toothpicks used in palm gardens for the past decade?” “T have.” “ Have you made a comparative table showing the alarming increase of peo- ple run over by jitneys in New Jersey and Kansas as related to the applica- tion of the twilight sleep in Colorado, California and New Mexico?” “Tt is done.” “Have you interviewed one hundred and forty-seven leading hairdressers in order to bring out the important fact that the increase in blood pressure is due to the female college enrollment?” “T have.” “Then notify the Magazine that my epoch-making article, “Why Women Must Have the Vote,’ will be ready at ten o'clock to-morrow.” Philanthropist (who has just dropped @ penny in the cup): 1 IMAGINE You HAVE MANY DISAPPOINTMENTS AND DIS- ‘Ss YESSUM; THAT IS THE FOURTH ONE TO-DAY Superwoman's” THE TEMPTER On Life's Wire ELLO. Lire?” "Yes" “This is Public speaking.” “Hello, Public. How goes it?” “ Just so-so, Lire, None too well.” “That's strange, Public. So many things are being done for you that you ought at all times to be some- where between the pink of condition and the seventh heaven of delight.” “Where do you get that impression, Lire?” “Everywhere. Nearly every one you meet nowadays declares he is try- ing to do something for the good of the Public.” “Oh, well, many promises are made, but few are kept.” “Come; don’t be pessimistic. How about the Federal Reserve Bank? That was to be very helpful to you. Surely you must have noticed some beneficial effects.” “Not one, Lire. It may have helped the bankers, but you may depend upon it that I, the Public, have to put up just as much security and pay just as much interest as before.” “Well, then, how about that liberal increase in freight rates that was granted to the railroads? That, you know, was to be a great boon to the Public.” “What! You didn’t believe, did you, Lire, that the more we gave up to the railroad financiers the more we'd have left?” “That's. what all of our respectable newspapers solemnly asserted. They make it their business to watch out for the interests of the Public, you know.” “You display a surprising naiveté, Lire” “Tt looks as if you were pretty hard to please, Public.” “It does, does it? Well, I must say that’s a nice accusation to bring against me after all the patience I've mani- fested. Hard to please!’ How can you be so unjust?” “There, there, don't be angry. We meant no harm. You are, in fact, a very good Public on the whole and a very kind one and a very gentle one. Moreover, your patience is exceedingly becoming. Keep right on in the same course and everything is sure to come out all right.” “T accept your apology, Lire, and | will take your advice under considera- tion. Good-bye.” “Good-bye, Public. Be of good cheer, but don’t let the politicians or the financiers or the evangelists impose upon you.” E. 0. J. comichooks.