Life, 1915-08-19 · page 27 of 48
Life — August 19, 1915 — page 27: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces mocking various social pretenses: **"Our Consumption of Cats"**: A con artist scheme where a "Prepossessing Promoter" pitches a fake lightning-protection serum to a "Finical Financier." The satire targets fraudulent medical advertising and credulous consumers—the promoter plans to suppress negative evidence and smear critics as enemies of humanity. It's a biting critique of turn-of-century patent medicine scams. **"Driven to It"**: A husband admits he only attends church to escape his wife's new golf obsession on Sundays. The joke satirizes both religious hypocrisy and the emerging leisure culture of wealthy women taking up golf—presenting it as something so consuming it drives men to desperate measures. **"The College Agriculturist"**: A poem mocking educated men who study classical humanities and theoretical mathematics but are utterly useless at actual farming. It skewers impractical academic knowledge divorced from practical utility. The illustration "The Feminist Mirror" shows a woman examining herself—likely commenting on vanity or self-absorption.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ao a Lo) le “Our consumption of cats would be enormous” the Finical Financier reluctantly, “but how long will we have to keep up this campaign of education, or, to be exact, this campaign of miseducation?” “Not so very long,” replied the Prepossessing Promoter, in his most reassuring manner. “ You see, we will have our serum on the market from the very start. The sales will commence at once, for there are always a lot of credulous people who are willing to try anything new, no matter what it may be. Then, as soon as we get a goodly number serumized, we can commence to secure testimonials like this: “Dear Licutxixc Protector Co. “T used your serum three years ago and can truthfully say that Ihave not been struck by lightning since that time. “Then we can gather statistics showing that not one of our patients has ever been struck by lightning after using our serum.” “But suppose lightning should them?” “Very easy. Being large advertisers, we could easily have the news of all such cases suppressed. If, how- ever, the facts should leak out to the public, we can casily explain that cur serum didn’t ‘take’ in that par- ticular case. Then, finally, if any agitator is so bold as to refuse our explanation, we can start a campaign against him as an enemy of the human race who wants everybody to be killed by lightning. Don’t you see how simple it is? Well, what do you say? Will you go into it?” “T must have a little time to think it over,” replied the Finical Financier. “Just at present I am inclined to be in ‘or of it. I believe that it is our duty always to be willing to accept profits, no matter how large, for the sake of our fellow-beings.” really strike one of Ellis O. Jones. Dnven to It ‘TT seems almost too good to be true.” It was just after the Sabbath morning church serv- ice. The face of the kindly clergyman beamed as he clasped the hand of the well-to-do parishioner, who had actually come to church now for three weeks in succession. “Brother,” continued the clergyman, “I can't tell you what it means to me to have men like you come to church regularly. But tell me”—he lowered his voice—" the secret. What has started you?” The other man’s voice trembled with pent-up emotion. “I'm forced to it,” he muttered. My wife took up golf this year, and the only way I can avoid trouble in the family by going round the links with her Sunday morning looking for lost balls, is to pretend that I love to go to church.” The College Agriculturist MY knowledge of the cotton plant is very vague and vapory, But I've a most extensive reading on Hellenic drapery; I've a great and growing interest in microscopic botany, But as for cultivating corn,—I simply haven't got any. Although I know the names of very few machines I've got in use, I'm full of interesting facts about the squared hypothe- nuse ; I could casily recite to you the crimes of Elagabalus, Or talk in terms of asymptotes, ellipses and parabolas. I'm full of social theories, analytic and synthetical, But how to plow a furrow is a volume sealed hermetical ; I'm really an authority on matters astronomical, But sometimes I've a fancy that my farming's rather comical. Y. K. Smith, Rowe ae THE FEMINIST MIRROR comicbooks.com