Life, 1915-07-29 · page 17 of 40
Life — July 29, 1915 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"Hopeless"** mocks the unreliability of parcel post. A woman's divorce case hinges on love letters her sister mailed weeks ago—which haven't arrived. The joke: the postal system is so slow that critical legal evidence may never reach court in time, undermining her lawsuit. **"Profound"** ridicules academic overreach. A scientist publishes lengthy theories about whether firstborns are disadvantaged in life—conclusions impossible to prove definitively and that nobody would follow anyway. The satire: professors waste time on unanswerable questions dressed up as serious science. **"Moderate Drinkers Win"** satirizes Prohibition-era temperance insurance. An organization created in 1889 to insure only total abstainers went bankrupt after admitting "moderate drinkers" five years prior—who promptly filed claims and exhausted funds. The irony: moderate drinking undermined abstinence-based charity. The accompanying illustration shows a "bookworm" float in a Los Angeles school parade, likely reinforcing intellectual themes on the page.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“ERE: « Hopeless “At hope is lost!” The miserable woman buried her face in her hands as she stood before the great lawyer who was conducting her case. “You say,” she moaned, “that unless my husband's love letters to that other woman are produced in court to- morrow at ‘the last day of trial the case will go against us?” F “Absolutely, madam. Where are those letters?” “They were in the possession of my sister, who origi- nally got them from the woman and who lives in a neighboring city. I wired her a week ago to send them to me. She did so.” The great lawyer smiled reassuringly. “Then why have you not received them?” he asked, And, with a despairing cry, the wretched woman re- plied: “Alas! There is no prospect of their being here for weeks, My sister mailed them to me by parcel post.” Profound IX a lengthy article on large and small families, among other things, says Dr, Karl Pearson, of the Galton Eugenic Laboratory, England: The important question is, however, whether the first-born is actually handicapped in the struggle for existence. Why is it important? In the first place, nobody could ever determine exactly whether the first-born is or is not. The most careful observations, extending over generations, would not accomplish anything but general results. And if it were finally determined, nobody would abide by it. What nonsense is profoundly uttered by professors of science! “so HE IS SIGNALING! HOW NOBLE INSPIRING! AND WHAT 1S HE “HE'S TELLING HIS PAL ON THE TEXAS HE SEEN MAGGIE LAST NIGHT.” Moderate Drinkers Win 'HE American Temperance Life In- surance Association has busted. Its officers say that it was organized in 1889 for total abstainers, but made the mistake five years ago of letting in some moderate drinkers who real- ized so promptly on their investment that they used up the company's funds, and the surviving abstainers will get nothing. Any one hearing of a sadder case than this of total abstinence being brought to want is invited to report it to the authorities. A FLOAT IN A RECENT SCHOOL PARADE AT LOS ANGELES comicbooks.com