Life — July 15, 1915 — page 44: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

This book is for you—free THs advertisement opens to you the opportunity to get, absolutely free of charge, one of the most valuable little volumes about books and their makers that you have ever opened. Simply clip off the coupon—then fill it out and mail it. It will bring to you by mail a thirty- two page book which we have prepared at no small expense in order to make possible a thoroughly adequate descrip- tion of the famous Harvard Classics The Five-Foot Shelf of Books Published only by P. F. Collier & Son Our original intention was to make it merely a general description of the Five-Foot Shelf, published solely for advertising purposes. But it developed in preparation into such a complete and useful work in itself that we want every lover of books among the readers of this magazine to possess a copy. It is a really delightful little book—not a mere catalogue of titles and authors, but a chatty, informal appreciation of the finest of English literary productions, showing why certain authors and certain works were chosen and going into a dis- cussion of those authors and their works. In itself it is a guide booklet to books that no book lover can afford to neglect. Tear the cou- pon off now, as you sit here read- : ing, and 4 ) COLLIER mail fag wei Stet, it to- os flees oe day. > mail free of ebareesthe B-page booklet describ- ing The Harvard Classics. AAAVES..ceeeeeeceenevens Creerrerey SKIDDING The Best and Worst Nail in the Ark Now. this is the story (and all of ye hark!) Of what was the Best and Worst Nail in the Ark: When Noah was building this Ark, as ye know, A rumble of thunder surprised him, and so To have the boat ready in time for the rain He took on a Wright of the Children of Cain— A terrible sinner, like all of the rest, And still, as a Carpenter, one of the best. This Person was hammering hard at the stem When up strolls the Patriarch, Japheth and Shem; And what does thac impudent Carpenter do But ask to be taken as one of the crew. Sez he, “I am wishful to sail in yer boat Along with yer Elephant, Camel and Goat.” But Noah he answers him, “None of yer jokes! Ye'll stay in the wet with the rest of yer folks!” The Carpenter grinned and the Carpenter laughed, He watched till the Party was all of them aft, Then screwed up one eyebrow and twisted his lip And pulled a big nail from the bow of the Ship! He pulled out a Nail, did that Offspring of Sin, Which left a fine hole for the tide to creep in. Now up comes the Animals, marching in pairs, And with them the Devil sneaks in unawares— They say with the Mule, for she hadn't a mate— And hides in the hold with the rest of the freight. But whist! when the waters were boiling around And rocking the Ark from her place on the ground, Old Noah stood up while the elements roared And asked a strong Blessing on all things aboard. Now, Blessings, for cause that I needn't explain, Are what the old Devil can’t hear without pain; And so the poor Devil tore wildly about Prospecting in vain for a place to get out, When what should he spy, when of reason bereft, But that one fine hole that the Carpenter left! He altered his form to the shape of a Worm And right through that nail-hole he tried for to squirm; But—talk as they do of the Devil's own luck— As tight as a rivet the poor Devil stuck! He stuck and he stayed for the whole of the trip, Excluding the wet from the hold of the Ship, The waters might heave and the waters might roll, But still the poor Devil kept plugging that hole And saving them all from the wave and the shark— So he was the Best and Worst Nail in the Ark! Arthur Guiterman, comicbooks.com