Life — April 8, 1915 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AND SOME HAVE GOLF THRUST UPON THEM foster, that the war is to be followed by a brutal, conscienceless rush for self- preservation by the dominant nations of the world, is nothing less than hor- rible. It is not wrong to expound such an idea if there is basis for belief in it, but we should certainly be wary of giving too much hospitality to belief in the sordid and selfish mate- rialism of our neighbors; of those neighbors especially with whose strug- gles in behalf of a humane civiliza- tion our sympathies are now so much enlisted. If England must go mad because Germany went mad, she must no doubt; but will she? Americans think not. E, S. Martin. Interesting Objects METROPOLITAN head waiter trying to make a profit out of a Methodist picnic. A railroad president being elected a member of the Don’t Worry Club. A sign painter who knows how to spell. A spoiled child at a mothers’ con- gress. A citizen of Alabama explaining why his State is so far ahead of the times. A custom-house officer being pre- sented on his birthday with a copy of Lord Chesterfield’s letters, Secretary Bryan reading the editorial page of the New York Sun. 6ll How To Do It NE Faro Nell—one college man— One villain—fist fights gory— One sour-dough—dog teams—speech uncouth— And that’s a Far North story. Mint juleps—colonels—old régime— One Uncle Jake and hovel— Magnolias—courtesy extreme— And that’s a Southern novel. One social bud—one Wall Street man— , Some autos—silk and satin— One Hotel Flash—one De—one Van— And that’s the Tale Manhattan. A dull gray tone—a plotless plot— The Yankee twang and diction— Old maids—one “ social "—one “ what- not ”"— And that’s New England fiction. Revolvers—cowboys—Broncho Bob, Who's nimble as a cat is— Much alkali—a coach to rob— No need to say what that is. So, writers, to your key’d machines Nor ask a theme from Heaven. Shun not the full-charged magazines. Just fill out Form Eleven. Walter G. Doty. Advice to Fortune’s Favorites HE bread lines were visited not long ago by the agents of moving pictures, who wished to get a number of Russian soldiers for battle scenes. All the men who had whiskers were selected, on the principle that any un- kempt man who wears whiskers looks like a Russian soldier. The moral of this is that when you are out of work and starving and fall into a bread line, do not go out be- forehand, take a Turkish bath, array yourself in a frock coat and get a close shave; otherwise you may lose the op- portunity of a whole season. Just be natural. AT: If Oi’m not mistaken—which Oi'm sure Oi am—your name's Murphy. Tim: Nope, ye're mistaken—ye're not mistaken. Me name is Murphy, comichooks.