Life, 1915-02-04 · page 28 of 44
Life — February 4, 1915 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This piece satirizes the Wilson administration's naval policy through a mock letter from a Japanese school-boy observer. The cartoon mocks American leaders—particularly Secretary of the Navy Josephus Daniels ("Jo-Uncle") and other Democratic officials—for their supposedly weak military preparedness. The satire targets the debate over naval expansion: Daniels and Congress are portrayed as unwilling to fund adequate warships, instead obsessing over economizing. The cartoon ridicules their logic by having the Japanese character propose deliberately *weakening* America's navy by 1922, making the country defenseless while claiming this paradoxically strengthens defense. "Miss Columbia" represents America herself. The piece critiques both pacifist sentiment and the administration's actual naval spending decisions. The broken English and exaggerated characterization of the Japanese observer was typical of early-20th-century American satirical magazines, though the actual argument—that America was unprepared militarily—reflects genuine contemporary defense debates.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
oo i oe Letters of a Japanese School-boy Our Army & Navy Are Preparing for What ? To Editor “ Life Newspress” who be- licve that gunpowder frequently make best chicken-food for doves, EAR SIR:— Hon. Kamo Mackenzeki, Japanese editor, approach to me yesterday and say with hecktickle voice, “Togo,” he say it, “ what can Amer- ican army & navy defeat, please?” “Itself,” I report promptishly. “With help of Admiral Jo-Uncle Danicls, General Bryan, General Grape Juice, General Foolishness and Con- gress both army & navy can sink him- self with delicious economy.” “Tf purpose of navy is to sink cheap,” negotiate this famous editorial, “then Congress, Bryan & Co should be very nice shipbuilders for submarines.” “Wrongly again,” I snib scornly. “Submarine manufactured by Demo- cratic machinery are celebrated for their speed on top of water, resem- Ling motor-boats.- Hon. Jo-Uncle Daniels have furnished them with hot- air tight compartments to down-going.” “How you insult editors!” deprave Hon. Kamo, making Samurai move- ments of knives. T make no repartee to this peev be- cause Hon. Mackenzeki larger muscle as I. “Tell me completely everything about American navy so I can write it for Japanese Spy’s Trade Journal,” he deploy at lastly, putting doves in his voice, “Hon, Jo-Uncle and other uncles residing in Wash, D. C, got very nice theoreticals about na I com- pose. “Hon. Jo-Uncle set in navy chive thinking how dreadnoughts can he made just as dreadful when manu- factured from sheet iron, thusly saving 1,000,000$ per boat. While setting there, income one cross admiral with mad eyes resembling eagles. “Hon. Jo-Uncle, he say so, ‘I ap- proach to say one chivalry in behalf of lady we all love.’ “In despite of fact I are married prevent are NICE YOUNG MEN WANTED , FOR UNCLE FOES NAVY editor,’ dictate Jo-Unele, ‘I are anxious to know namg of lady named.’ “*She are Miss Columbia, the Jam of the Ocean,’ corrode Hon. Adm. “*What she want now?’ growell Hon. Jo-Uncle. “More ships? say him. “*Ladies is always requiring some- thing expensive,’ narrate that Raleigh printer. ‘What she do with that 230$ congress gave her last week?’ “She payed first instalment on a torpedo,’ exclam Hon. Adm. ‘What she must have now are 12 new dread- nothings, 18 cruisers, 29 submarines and a tugboat to escort that torpedo into battle. “Just like a woman!’ holla Hon, Danls, ‘Give her a sidecomb and she require new hair to go with it, new dress to go h the hair and new ottomobile to take that dress to a party, No!! As Sec of Navy I shall not misappropriate money to build ships? “*How then?’ This from Hon. Adm. ‘How then can Miss Columbia defend herself when Hon. Navy grow weaker & weaker?’ “*So ha!’ Hon. Jo-Uncle make scare-head expression of joyful. ‘ That are my idea. A woman's greatest de- fense are her weakness, Are not so? Therefore I intend have weakest navy in world by 1922, thusly making Co- lumbia’s defense so impregable she cannot be bursted from Germany or any other foreign guns.’ “For reply to that Hon. Adm say snorts and disappear off while Hon. Jo-Uncle remain setting with figures to show how U. S. Navy can slide backwards to 12th place in four (4) years and cost less than nothing while doing so.” While I disfigure this calamity Hon. Kamo Mackenzeki look at me with iron eyebrows. “Tell me one statistick about Amer- ican Navy,” decompose Hon. Kamo from pencil-writing. “This are conducted by prominent lawyer who are very wise in legal and could probably stop foreign in- vasions by getting out injunction against them. This gentleman set be- hind door labeled WAR, which are pronounced with an H like Gen: man by all army officers who g s Hon. Gen. Wood walk to this door with smile full of bayonets, “*Hon. Sec of War,’ he say so, ‘has anything been done to make our stand- ing army stand more straight?’ fuch,’ corrode Hon. Sec. ‘ After six weeks tearful application before Congress I have appropriated sifficient carfare to ship 100 recruits to that um- portant strategical position, Leaven- worth, Kas. A new fence is being built arotind the mule-yard at Fort Worth and 12 lawnmowers has been sent to officers quarters, Fort Rosencranz. In preparation for immediate war we are doing everything possible? “‘Everything — possible—yes,’_ dib Gen. Wood. ‘What do you regard as umpossible?’ comichookes