Life, 1915-01-21 · page 34 of 44
Life — January 21, 1915 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple distinct pieces: **"The Wise Fool" and Civil War anecdote**: Short humorous pieces satirizing human nature and military recruitment. The Colonel Morrow story mocks the gap between patriotic rhetoric and soldiers' actual motivations—the soldier enlisted because Morrow's speech frightened him, not inspired him. **"The Invasion Begins"**: A dialect-heavy cartoon satirizing European immigrants' fears of Old World conflicts. The character (appears to be French-Canadian) speaks broken English with a heavy accent, expressing alarm at European wars ("Sultan man," "Zar," "Kiser") and deciding to flee to "Unite States" for peace. This reflects early-20th-century American attitudes toward immigration and European instability. **Skiing instruction cartoon**: A humorous visual gag showing an instructor providing overly complex, contradictory skiing instructions while students tumble down a slope. **"Pantheistic"**: A brief joke playing on dialect humor and religious rationalization—a man justifies stealing pants because he'll use them to get baptized. The page also contains advertising for Plymouth Dry Gin. The overall tone is lighthearted satire with period-typical use of ethnic dialect humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Wise Fool “Dead men tell no tales,” observed the Sage. jaybe not,” replied the Fool. “ But their tombstones are awful liars.” —Cincinnati Enquirer. Many veterans can recall the powerful and persuasive eloquence of Colonel Morrow, of Detroit, when he was calling for patriots to enlist in the Civil War. Just after the battle of Fredericksburg a deserter was brought before him. Noth- ing so roused the colonel’s indignation as a willful desertion or cowardice, and he turned on the weak-kneed soldier in a towering rage and said: “ What do you mean by deserting your post in the hour of your country’s peril? Have you no feeling of patriotism? Why did you ever enlist if you are such a coward “Well, colonel,” said the soldier, “if you want to know I'll tell you why I enlisted. It was that damned speech of yours at Livonia.”—Argonaut. Instructor: NOW, ALL YOU MAVE TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU ALIGHT 18 TO KEEP YOUR FORWARD AT AN ANGLE OF THIRTY DEGREES, YOUN POLE MELD HORIZONTALLY IN FRONT OF YOU, YOUR SKIS EXACTLY PARALLEL ABOUT EIGHT INCHES APART, HOLD YOUR HEAD WELL BACK, AND YOUR KNEES DIRECTLY ABOVE: YOUR ANKLES The Invasion Begins “T tink, by gar, I moov down States, Dere all mans dey be free; Susette ‘nd me, we emigrates, Mon wife, he cum wit me. “Dese mans up here talk grat beeg war, Dat mak me mooch afrait; T don no wat dis fitin’ for, But guns,—dey shoot dam strait. “Dat Sultan man say ‘holi war’, De Zar hees ikon kees; Beeg Kiser man he fite, by gar, He tink dat war be hees. “Bien-vite la prayer, en suite bataille, Each mans do odder hates; I no go fite wit dat canaille, I hike down Unite States. “Allons chérie, pack portmanteau, We keep away dis war; Joost cum along wit hosban Jo., Adieu dis Canadah!” —H. F, W., in Wall Street Journal, Pantheistic “You admit you are guilty, then,” thundered the judge. “Ah do, jedge. Ah’s guilty. Ah stole dem pants. But, your honah, dere ain’t no sin when de motive am goo Ah stole dem pants to get baptized i —Harper’s Magazine, DY LEANING Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and B Possessions. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 year} to Canaila, s2 cents, Single cur- rent copies, to cents. Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Tesues prior to toro ont of print The tert and illustrations in Live are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great 114 Sonthampt c Lire is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from book- sellers in all the principal cities in the world. The foreign trade supplied from Lirr’s London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. C. No contribution will be ‘returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Lire does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of umo licited contributions. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. Britain apply to Lt Row, London, W. PLYMOUTH Dry Gin A tip to the man who prides himself on his Cock- tails. “Use Coates’ Plymouth Dry Gin and your reputation is made.”’ ALEX DISHAW/ eco ny THE ULTIMATE CONSUMER