Life — January 7, 1915 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

:AUT SCISSORS AvT Nutus Patriotic A school-teacher recently gave his pupils a lecture on patriotism. He pointed out the high motives which moved the Territorials to leave their homes and fight for their country. The school-teacher noticed that one boy did not pay attention to the instruc- tion, and as a test question he asked him: “What motives took the Territorials to the war?” The boy was puzzled for a moment, then, remembering the public “ send-off” to the local regiment at the railway sta- tion, he replie “ Locomotiv. sir."—Tit-Bits. Brown (on fishing trip): Boys, the boat is sinking! Is there any one here who knows how to pray? Jones (eagerly): 1 do. Brown: All right. You pray, and the rest of us will put on life belts. They're one shy.—New York Globe. Tae IF BABIES COULD RETALIATE “ ups-pE-pappy |” A Case for Burbank Aunt Lindy had brought around her three grandchildren for her mistress to see. The three little darkies, in calico frocks, stood squirming in line while Lindy proudly surveyed them. “What are their names, Lindy?” her mistress asked. “Dey’s name’ after flowers, ma'am. Ah name ‘em. De bigges’ one’s name’ Gladiola. De nex’ one, she name’ Helio- trope.” “Those are very pretty,” her mistress said. “ What is the littlest one named.” “She name’ Artubficial, ma’am.” —Woman's Home Companion. Terse Theodore Dreiser, the novelist, was talking of criticism. “T like pointed criticism,” he said, “criticism such as I heard in the lobby of a theatre the other night at the end of the play. “The critic was an old gentleman. His criticism, which was for his wife's ears alone, consisted of these words: “*Well, you would come!’ —Kansas City Times. Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions, 0 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.94 a years to Canada. s2,cents Single cur- rent copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, alter three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print. othe eg ‘The tert and illustrations im Live are copyrighted. Fer Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Lire, 114 Southagpton Row, London, W. C. is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from boo gellers in all the principal cities in the world. The foreign trade supplied from Live's London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, FE. C. No contribution will be ‘returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Live does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of unso- licited contributions. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. PLYMOUTH Dry Gin One generally likes to feel that his favorite anything is real. Soates & Co.’s Plymouth, is the original dry gin. Perhaps that is one reason why knowing men insist on Plymouth. ALEX DISH AW «co ny “1 DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET OUT, HENRY. THE DIRECTIONS SAY IT TAKES TWENTY-FOUR HOURS TO DRY” comichooks.com