Life, 1914-12-10 · page 32 of 40
Life — December 10, 1914 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This 1913 Life magazine page contains multiple satirical pieces critiquing contemporary issues: **"Coming"** (top): A futuristic 1950 scenario mocking the era's obsession with music and constant entertainment. The joke is that households employ full orchestras for every activity—breakfast, commuting, office work—making normal life impossible. The final quip reveals the satire's target: people in 1913 "listened to almost absolutely nothing" between meals, suggesting modern life is becoming unbearably over-stimulated. **"General Orders"**: Dark satire mocking German militarism and the church-bombing campaigns of World War I. It presents a brutal "scale" rewarding destruction of hospitals, churches, and cathedrals with Iron Crosses—inverting military honor. The sarcastic "encouragement of culture" highlights the hypocrisy of destroying cultural institutions while claiming civilization. **"The Offspring"**: A eugenic theory cartoon showing two women whose past lovers were "sacrificed" for eugenic marriage purposes. The child's worm-hole apple joke suggests the genetic experiment produced questionable results—dark commentary on eugenics pseudoscience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
1092 Coming T was a bright winter morning in the year 1950. Desmard, starting fo rise from his bed, leaned upon a spring that had been placed there for that purpose. Immediately, from the next room, there burst a martial strain of music. Jumping out of bed, he began to dress, keeping time to the trained orchestra that was now a regu- lar part of his household. At breakfast he was joined by his good wife. Seating themselves at the table, they were immediately sur- rounded by the musicians attached to every household. No conversation, of course, being possible, they talked to each other in the sign language, at which they had become adepts. Breakfast over, Mr. Desmard en- tered his automobile. Sitting in the special box in the rear was the regular auto orchestra, consisting of three pieces and a drum, without which now no auto was complete. They moved merrily down the street to his office. Entering he was greeted by “ The Conquering Hero Comes” from his office band. He opened his mail to the tune of “We Won't Get Home Till Morning”. At noon there was a directors’ meet- ing. Each director brought his own “EERE - “That’s the best concert I ever heard,” said one of the directors, congratulating Desmard at the con- clusion, That evening Desmard said to his wife, during the only five minutes in- termission they had had during the day: “Wonder how those people back in 1913 ever lived? Between meals they Jistened to almost absolutely nothing.” General Orders UST further notice the following scale will be in force: For dropping a bomb on a hospital, one Iron Cross. For dropping a bomb on a church, two Iron Crosses. For dropping a bomb on a cathedral, ten Iron Crosses, This is for the encouragement of culture, The old scale of one Iron Cross for killing a child, two for killing a woman and five for killing a Red Cross nurse will still be in force. Commanders are urged to levy the utmost fine on captured towns which the places can stand. The Fatherland needs the money. Use the white flag whenever possi- ble for the purpose of luring on de- tachments of the enemy to places con- THE OFFSPRING AND TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO EACH SACRIFICED A LOVER TO MARRY ON THE EUGENIC THEORY Gives hbbeos? “HAROLD, WILL YOU GIVE AUNTIE A ITE OF YOUR APPLE?” “YEP, IF YOU'LL PROMISE TO TAKE THE BITE RIGHT WHERE THE WORM-HOLE 1s.” venient for slaughtering. is only a scrap of linen. Mine-layers should always be dis- guised as hospital ships. Continue the good work of annihi- lating all the contemptible little armies you can find, particularly of the treacherous lish, God will con- tinue brilliantly to support you. Papa WILHELM, A white flag What It Spells Crushing Conditions. Haunting Hunger. Inevitable Illness. Low Living. Dismal Death. Laws Lacking. Adroit Artifices. Big Business. Obedient Overseers. Rich Rewards. STATESMAN is a_ politician with whom you agree. A poli- tician is a statesman with whom you disagree,