Life — December 3, 1914 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

P LIFE @ ef ta The Gift of Gifts Choosing a gift at Maillard’s is in itself one of the pleasures of the holiday season. Add to this the wide range of novelties, the perfec- tion in quality and the purity of Maillard’s chocolates and bon- bons, and the popularity of Maillard’s is easily understood. FASHION DOLLS—“ Dernier cri de la mode’’—standing or sitting, dainty novelties that can be used as a pin cushion and box. FANCY BRONZE WARE-—perfected with a combination of old lace and tissu ancien. BONNET DE LUXE— Unique in their variety and attractiveness—a charming negligee wear. TELEPHONE SET—With pad, screen and arm rest; also telephone and electric dolls for boudoir use, Fancy boxes, opera bags and baskets, and a variety of dolls in original costumes. A wide assortment of musical and mechanical dolls, dressed in well-known conven- tional modes. Mignonettes and mottoes, toys, Christmas tree ornaments, dinner and ice cream flavors, etc. o FIFTH AVE. At 35th St. Then to his minimum reduced I shoved him off the roof. And sixty feet he fell, Into a deep and miry breeding-place for toads, A cistern nigh my cellar-door, wherein Perchance he lieth yet. Which having done I took his pois- oned sweets, His lout-faced dolls, and monkeys in- artistic swung on sticks, And all his stock of costly Uselessness, And in the furnace warmed the house that day with them; And dined on venison, the which we gained Three stringy pounds of off those Starveling stags. As for the pendant hese, the children’s Mother fair Darned every one, and thereby made her gifts all gifts of Service, which, Some day, When they are older, and know less, The kids will more appreciate than now. And so, Good-night! A Merry Christmas, friends, to dark- ened souls that seek that sort of thing: And for my Brothers dear who are awake, And know this sour world for what it is, A Gloomy Day To You! Farewell! Fat-headed dolls, and monkeys inartis. tic poised on sticks, And sugared fruits enough to kill Di- gestion till the crack of doom— What need for more detail? ‘Twas old SAINT NICK, the copper- fastened, armor-plated, night- mare of the year— A dealer in sheer Uselessness, The King of Indigestion, in whose trail Stride ruthless stomach-aches and bankruptcies galore. My wife and I in nightcaps lay, and heard the turmoil on the roof, “ A Burglar’s on the roof!” she cried, with fearsome clutch, her head beneath the pillows hid. “'Tis worse!” I whispered hoarsely. “Far, far worse! ‘Tis that old Nincompoop SAINT NICK, who’s come again to wring from us what pence the Butcher and his ribald crew have left within the wreck, all in the name of Peace and Earth’s Good Will!” “Good Lord!” quoth she. “And hath he come again?” “He hath!" I groaned, and then I rose. I seized a poker from the hearth and started forth, Armed cap-a-pie, armed cap-a-pudding, armed cap-a-everything, And to the roof I strode, and with that poker cold Lambasted, lammed and licked that patriarchal chump. I whacked, and thwacked, and smacked him well. I thrashed, and dashed, and smashed him till the roof Fair shambled with the turkey-red, and whiskers white strewed everywhere Like snow piled on a Pelion of Slush; And pounds of dry excelsior I knocked from out his paunch, for even that was sham. Old Overholt Rye “Same for 100 years" It’s pure, mellow flavor and rare fragrance have helped to smooth over many an argument. A pledge of sincerity between friends, ed in charred osk barrels, distilled and bottled in bond. A. OVERHOLT & CO. Pittsburgh, Pa, AW ' comicbooks.com