Life — September 24, 1914 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

sAUT SCISSORS AvT NULLUs A Run for the Money A traveler bought a ticket and then, going out on the platform, said: “How soon does the train start?” “Why, there she gocs now,” said a Porter. “You've just missed her.” The traveler kept on the line and set out in pursuit of the train with all his might. But in two or three minutes he came trudging back. A laughing crowd had gathered and the porter said: “Well, did you catch her?” “No,” said the traveler, “ but, by jingo, I made her puff."—Kansas City Star. Didn't Know Which CaLter: trian? Proup Motiter: Either that or vale- dictorian. These class offices are so confusing, don’t you know. —Buffalo Express. Is your daughter an eques- EVENINGS? ely Arrived Tango Fiend: DO WHAT I CAN WITH THE HARP ANI WINGS—BUT HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR Disgusted The elephant flapped his ears and sighed so impressively that the yellow dust in the alleyway was considerably itated. “To think,” he confidentially remarked to the toothless tiger, “ that my ancestors fought with Hannibal and graced a Ro- man holiday!” “What's the answer?” tiger. “Dust and desolation,” snorted the elephant. “I have in my veins the blood of the white mammoths of Upsula, and yet I am forced, forsooth, to pose with a lot of mangy and moth-eaten quadrupeds in a hand-made jungle, in front of a moving-picture coffee-mill. Woof, but I'm sorely tempted to throttle myself with my own trunk, and so make an end on’'t!"—Cleveland Plain Dealer. snarled the A Gtascow merchant, famous for his stinginess, came into his office one morning and found a young clerk writ- ing a letter in rather a flourishing hand. “My man,” he observed, “dinna mak’ the tails o’ yer g’s and y’s quite sac lang. I want the ink tae last the quarter oot.”—Argonaut. Live is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United State: Canada and British Possessions. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents, Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 23 cents. Issues prior to 19t0 out of print. The text and illustrations in Live are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Live, 114 Southampton Row, London, W. C. Great Britain, Live is for sale by all newsdealers in G sellers in all the iti London Office, No contrib: envelope. rincipal cities of the world. The foreign trade supplied from Lr ‘olls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. C. ion will be returned unless a licited contributions. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. The Bride: JAMES, DEAR, I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO ASK YOU TO GIVE ME THREE DOLLARS AND A HALF—IT’s THE ONLY WAY IT CAN MAKE MY BOOKS BALANCE eS G+ A handsome art portfolio, printed in colors and black * Yand white, on coated ‘paper. A reproduction in cxtenso of the. famous war pic- tures, dramatic and satirical, which have appeared in Lire during the past ten years. A pictorial arraignment of War. Sent to any address on receipt of twenty-five cents Address LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 17 West 31st Street, New York Or, Ask your newsdealer reat Britain and may be obtained from book- accompanied by stamped and addressed Lire does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of unso-