Life — August 20, 1914 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In Spite of Himself In Denver they tell of a young Brit- isher who will some day inherit a title, and who not long ago married the daughter of a supposedly wealthy man of that town, A month or so after the marriage the father-in-law took the husband aside. “I am ruined!” he exclaimed. “ Practically every cent is gone!” The Briton was a good loser, however, for he gave vent to a long, low whistle, and exclaimed with a little laugh: “By George! Then I did marry for love, after all."—Harper’s Magazine. New Honor for Cyclops Some time ago the teacher in a public school was giving a talk on classic myth- ology. Little Willie was not very atten- tive, and when it came to the questioning part of the game he was lost in the wilderness. “ Willie,” said the teacher, closing the book and looking impressively at the youngster, “can you tell me who Cyclops was?” “Yes, ma’am,” was the prompt answer of Willic. “He was the feller what wrote the cyclopedia.” —Konsas City Star. No Wonder “TI used to go to the theatre just as a tired business man would.” “Why did you give it up?” “T found that it was the plays that were making me tired.”"—Times. A RACE ACROSS THE ATLANTIC In Kansas City In Kansas City they love to tell of a certain wealthy meat-packer, who never loses an opportunity to impress upon visitors to his house the great extent of his riches, He was showing a caller from the East through his palatial mansion on one oc- casion when they stopped before a hand some plate-glass mirror, of massive siz above the fireplace in the drawing. room. “Do you see that mirror?” asked the packer. “It cost me just ten thousand dollars. “ Heavens!” exclaimed the visitor, duly impressed. Then, after a careful exami- nation of the article, he added: “ But what a pity it is scratched!" “Yes,” said the packer’ carclessly. Then, turning to his wife, he said: “Mary, perhaps you'd better not let the children have any more diamonds to play h.”"—Lippincott’s. Wise Cowardice The altitude record for frankness is held by a successful London business man who lately retired at the age of cighty-one. “I attribute whatever suc- cess I have had,” he says, “to my cowardice. I always feared to wade in so deep that it was difficult to wade out.” —The Masses. Clearly Impossible “ Feyther,” said little Mickey, “ wasn't it Pathrick Hinry that said, ‘ Let us have peace ’?” “Niver!" said old Mickey. “ Nobody be th’ name of Pathrick iver said anny- thing loike thot.” —Ladies’ Home Journal. every Therwtay, slmuttaneousty (a the U Bs tale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may he rl trom booksellers ‘Auilitionst- postage to foreign countries in the Postal Uniow, $1.04 a yenr? (eworld.” ‘The foreign trade supplied trom LIPE'S Lomion Ofice, Rolls House, 0 cents, Mack avubers, after three months irom date al plies London, EC. No contribution whit be returned nntere accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. LAPR does not old itself veiponsthle for the lott or nowreturn of unseliclied Contributions, Cork Tips int the Milo : Yellow Label Box THE FAMILY FEATURES