Life — July 16, 1914 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Not Worth It “So you saw the woman drop her purse,” said Mr, Marks to his friend, “but lost her in the crowd. Did you advertise?” “Oh, yes,” said Mr. Parks, “but I didn’t get an answer. I put this in the popers: ‘If the plain woman about forty-five years of age wearing a dress and a hat of last year’s style who lost a € containing $3 50 on Twenty-second Street on Saturday will apply to —, the property will be returned.’” “Good heavens, man!" said Mr. Marks, “No wonder you didn’t get an answer. No woman in the world would own up to that description for $3.0." —Ladies’ Home Journal. Literal An English minister, who guarded his morning study hour very carefully, told the new maid that under no circum: stances were callers to be admitted—ex- cept, of course, he added—in case of life and death, Half an hour later the maid knocked at his door. “A gentleman to see you, si “Why, I thought I told you: “Yes, I told him,” she replied, “ but he says it is a question of life and death.” So he went downstairs and found an insurance agent.—Argonaut, Choosing a Head In the early days printers in most newspaper offices supplied the headlines for the items they put in type. Henry Cary tells a story of a man in a Mil- waukce composing-room who had a para- graph he did not understand. He went over to the foreman and showed him the item. “How'll I head this?” he asked. “Oh,” said the foreman, “head it ap- propriately. Don't bother me with such questions,” So the next morning the item appeared in the paper headed: Appropriately ! —Saturday Evening Post. Cruelty ‘The Senator and the Major were walk- ing up the avenue. The Senator was more than middle-aged and considerably more than fat, and, dearly as the Major loved him, he also loved his joke. The Senator turned with a pleased ex- Pression on his benign countenance and said: “Major, did you see that pretty girl smile at me?” “Oh, that's nothing,” replied his friend. “The first time I saw you I laughed out loud."—Harper’s Magazine, Particularly Applicable Daxctnc Master (explaining new figure): Now, for every step forward, you take two backward Diocexes (blowing out lantern): By gad! I've found him at last! —Dartmouth Jack o” Lantern. a newsdealers In Great Britain and may be oldaiaed trom booksellers te at the pricga jance,’ “Additional. postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $L.os 2 ot oe sor” “The foreign trade $4 any jonilon Office, jouse, ding pea iz cents," Singie current copies, 10 ceathe Back aumbers, ater three meaths tom date of peti ” ott Sin AUS 9 Lnilon Ofce Rete:2 ee cents, “Issues prior to 1910 out of priat, Ta cfd Kitmstraptons Om L108 are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain aphiy Lie No contribution will be returned nntess accompanied by stamped and addrested envelope. LAPR docs not —_‘t4 Southampton Rew, Aold ttuelf reiponribie for the oss or momeréturn of wntoticited Contribution Prompt netifcation ascie be ace by subscribers of any change 6 Cork Tips in the Milo Yellow Label Box Makes the best cocktail, A Blessing aromatic with all Wine Spirit and Soda beverages. yetizing, healthful, to use with Grape Fruit, Oranges, Wire Jelly. At Wise Mer- chats or Druggists. Sample by mail, 28 in stamps. C. W. ABBOTT & CO., Baltimore, Md. THERE BEING A DEFICIT OP NINE CENTS IN THE CLUB TREASURER'S ACCOUNTS, AN INVESTIGATION 18 UNDER WAY comicbooks.com