Life — June 4, 1914 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“T refuse to be called Suffragettes!” she holla peevly, “ What have those soprano church-burners got to do with Feminism? Nothing or less!! Suf- fragism is to Feminism what eggs are to hens, Suffragette merely wish to reform laws by breaking windows. Feminettes reform them by breaking hearts. Where has bricks did so much harm to gentlemankind as kisses?” I refuse to think. continue to circulate. “Will not those Feminists throw something at Government?” I waltz. “ Ah, not to do!” she indicate amidst tango. “Feminists will coax Govern- ment by flirting with him. Thus are female way. They will make no pre- tense of playing games like a gentle- man, They will shoot angel-eye, weak- ness-appeal, sex-enthusiasm, etc. in gen. direction of all male statesmans in power, They will encourage man to give them what they want, as usual, through sense of chivalry. And pretty soonly ladies will occupy Pres, Chair, Speaker Desk, Maj. Gen- eral saddle and all other important politics.” “When men are overspilled will ladies show sense of chivalry?” I rextly require. “A Feminist Movement cannot con- tinue chivalry or it would change its sex,” she negotiate while shoving my feet around dance-floor. “ When we are powerful we intend to make men respect our weakness. We shall lock them away in clubs where they can continue drinking themselves to death. Yet in dancing I XAMTIPPE (ATEN ELIZABETI “Why am I not more superior to you? Look at me and you will observe” All mercy will be erased from our savage eyebrows.” I look to door, attempting to escape, but she clutch me in tense tango-hold so.I could do nothing but dance and be frightened. “Do you believe in the War of the Sexes?” she hissy distinctually. “Which sexes?” I ask frightly. “Opposite ones,” she exaggerate rapidly. “T never feel more loving and dove- of-peaceful than when setting in the midst of them,” I agonize. “ Perhapsly after marriage I may enjoy some feel- ings of battle-axe.” “Tf there must be war—which there is, isn’t it?—why should not feminism rule masculism?” she dement above “Robt G. Lee Polka” which Hon. Or- chestra play. “Why am I not more SALUME A FEW PAMOUS FEMINISTS 1025 superior to you? Look at me and you will observe. By my charm of at- traction I not only got what I got but I can also get what you got.” “T understand, although I do not realize,” is my report. “ By observing me you see Feminist Movement. I am typically a type. I am not a woman—I am woman. I am the ability to make men work for me while I spend it. I am Eve, you are merely a neglected Adam. I have run world since Jan 1, Year 1, yet I am just beginning to awake up and become conceited about it. You are merely masculine. I am femiline. I am the mother of your children——” “I go home!” This from me while backing away from that tango. “Shall we not waltz another con- versation about Intellectual New Freedom?” she corrode with candy voice, “If we waltzed more I am afraid you might shoplift my vote,” I corrode cloping away like man who had been sawed apart. Hoping you are the same Yours truly Hasnimura Toco. (Per Wallace Irwin.) On the Road HE®RE is one they are telling in Salt Lake City on Reed Smoot, Utah’s senior Senator and an apostle of the Mormon Church: A Swedish sister of the church in one of the rural towns was recently telling a Salt Laker what a fine man she considered Smoot. “Do you think he is a better man than the Governor?” she was asked. “Yaw. Ay tank he is much better man as the Governor,” she said. “Do you think he is a better man than the President?” “Oh, yaw, Ay tank he is better man as the President.” “Well, sister,” said the Salt Laker, who was himself a Mormon, “ you are a good Latter-day Saint. Do you think Senator Smoot a better man than God?” “Vell,” she replied, hesitatingly, “he iss not so old yet.” comicbooks.com