Life — June 4, 1914 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘lass Mail Matter, Copyright ta Fnglanl and the lth Possessions The Friend of Crime O you see that tall, philanthrop- ical-looking individual over there with the silk hat and the patriarchal side-whiskers?" asked the Guide. “T do,” replied the Man From Mars. “ He looks very prosperous.” “He is very prosperous, indeed, and he has reached his present highly hon- orable position in the community en- tirely through being a friend of crime.” “1 must’ misunderstand,” declared the Man From Mars. “It seems im- possible in such a civilization as yours that a man should be honored because he is a friend of crime. Possibly you mean a friend of criminals.” “Oh, no. Nobody is a friend of criminals. I mean a friend of crime. He is a prison contractor.” “A prison contractor?” oy You see, the State authorities go to a great deal of trouble and ex- When Is a Pi No “Pi ”?__Without B.V. D pense to build penal institutions and en Is a Picnic No icnic hou! incarcerate criminals therein, Then they turn over these prisoners to the \ X Jrar B.V. D. all day and every day, in town or out. Stow a few priton ‘contractors for.as Witte as) a extra suits into your bag or trunk “for good measure.” They’ll to ten cents a day, and the contractor “come in mighty handy’’ for a change between sun-up and sun- employs them at hard labor in the J manufacture of us articles of down—after a tramp—after a dance—after brisk play at the nets or on the common consumption. links. When you get home from the office in the evening and want to feel “Aren't they worth more than ce ae : . Vn ehccae it ae that?" inquired the Man From Mars. refreshed before dinner, cool off with a ‘‘shower”’ and a clean suit of B.V.D. “Of course they are worth more Otherwise the prison contractor would For your own welfare, fix the B.V.D. not be able to make so much more Red Woven Label in your mind and profit than his competitors. The more make the salesman shorw it to you If he crime and the more criminals there are, can't or won't, aealé out! On every therefore, the more wealth the con- BV. D. Undergarment is sewed tractor accumulates and the more the This Rol Wen Lael community respects him, If it weren't WADE FOR THE for crime, he would be penniless and WaT unknown.” “T guess you were right, and I hope BEST RETAIL TRADE you will pardon my incredulity, He is (Trade Mart Ro. US Pat. OF. and truly a friend of erime,” admitted the Freaed Coons) Man From Mars with a sigh Drawer Ss, See $100 and S180 the Cate “And it isn't easy to decide whose ont crime is the worst,” added the Guide BY. D, its (Pat. U.S.A. 4-30-07) - ce rieaslemerseeank $1.00, $1.50, $2.09, $3.00 ant $5.00 the Suit Whether that of th convicts, that of the State authorities in making such a The B. V. D. Company, had hargain, or that of the contractor New York. in accepting it.” E.0.4 London Selling Agency: 66, Aldertranbery, E The “SANITARY” ERASER Hendy - Proctical « Economical « Aliccss Covered Department Store Crime you want to commit murder or other depredations with the minimum of publicity, do it in a department store. Proprietors of department stores believe that untoward events happening in their establishments do not make for popularity, and so, while ole SANTA ERASER seein. cpen en. they cannot entirely prevent untractable persons from occasionally using their emporiums Prtepil ceeegy oop Fons as the mise-en-scéne of some unpleasantness, they at least have cnough influence, as jwring ancther. ‘Two rubbers of best quality are made; one for WP heavy advertisers, to keep the newspapers from saying anything. The public might think pec ng es 1 Eee Oper ad" Th Age et that nothing is so well behaved as a department store. No. No. It is merely that i ap etoat Ese Ph sly te WY ERASER pai what happens in a department store is not “ news". The only crime that ever occurs ‘When ordering by mail, state whether Typewriter officially in a department store is shoplifting, which could hardly take place on the ia ra hee gaat dl The 0_K. Mie. Co., Syracuse, N.Y.. U.S.A. elevated or the street corner, comicbooks.com