Life — April 23, 1914 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Fatal Defect The Reverend Bascom Anthony, a pre- ing clder of the Methodist Church in tells a story of a negro ay who failed to give A committee don him to pastor down his satisfaction to his flock. from the congregation wail request his resignation. Look here!” demanded the preacher. “ Whut's de trouble wid mah preachin’? Don’t I argufy?” “You sho does, kesman. “Don't I ‘sputify concernin’ de Serip- tures?” “You other. “Den what's wrong?” “Well, cldah,” stated the head of the committee, “hit’s dis way: You argu fies and you ‘sputifies, but you don't eldah,” agreed the suttinly docs,” admitted the show whercin! Saturday Evening Post. Comfort Without Extravagance, Hotel Woodstock, New York “So,” said the visitor, “you intend to become a physician when you grow up.” “Yes, sir,” said the youth. “And why have you decided upon the dical profession?” “Well, a doctor seems to be the only n that keeps on getting paid whether his work is satisfactory or not.” —Ladies’ Home Journal. i i | } i Sliced Oranges with a dash of Abbott's Bitters are appetizing and healthful. Sample of bitters by mail, 25 eta, in stamps. C. W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Wittrast (who has been persuaded to contribute to our annual concert): Can ‘ce tinkle “ Varmer'’s Boy”, miss? Souire’s Davonter: Have you brought your music? Writiase: Music! I don’t sing by music; I sings by hearsay. —London Opinion, Cork Tips or Plain WANTED—AN IDEA! fue to patent! Protect your ideas mer bring you wealth. Write for “ Needed Inventions RANDOLPH & CO, Potent stiorsers, Dept, 128, Wasblogten, D, C. A Happy Marriage Depends largely on a knowledge of the whole truth about self and sex and their relation to life and health. This know! edge does not come in- telligently of itself, nor correctly from ordinary, every-day sources. SEXOLOGY (Ulustrated) by William H. Walling, A.M., M.D., imparts in a clear wholesome way in one volume zie Medical Knowledge a Musband Knowledge a Young Woman Should nowletge a Young W Should Lav Medical Nnowledge a Wife Stould Haves een er Allin one volume. Iliustrated, $7, postpaid. Puritan Pub. Co. 776 Perry Bidg., Phila. Pa. A Home Thrust “ All sorts and conditions of men have excellent explanations for their positions said the Senator. “A tramp, however, came under my observation who had no illusions about the cause of his own condition. “A fine-looking and — fashionably dressed woman had just alighted from her limousine at the hotel entrance, and was suddenly approached by this shabbily dressed man who requested a dime. “No, I have no money to spare for I do not sce why an able-bodied you. man like you should go about begging.’ “*T s'pose, ma'am,’ replied the lazy tramp, ‘it's fer about the same reason that a healthy woman like you boards at a hotel instead of keepin’ house. —Harper’s Magazine. His Noble Aim Tue Youxc Max: I understand your father speaks very highly of me. Tur Youxc Lavy: Yes; but he only does that for fun. Tur Youxc Max: Are you sure? Tite Youxe Lavy: Positive. He just does it to torment mother. —Lippincott’s. | GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER 5O cents per case of 6 glass stoppered bottles “ One-aatr of the women in this world retail gossip,” remarked Mr. Stubb, as he lit his after-supper cigar. “Quite considerate of you not to say il of them retail gossip,” snapped Mrs Stubb, as she washed the dishes. “Oh, no, only half, Maria. The other half wholesale it."—Tit-Bits.