Life, 1914-04-23 · page 15 of 44
Life — April 23, 1914 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This piece satirizes American foreign policy through deliberately broken English attributed to Japanese observers. The framing device—a Japanese thinking society debating the Panama Canal—allows the magazine to critique U.S. expansionism and corporate interests indirectly. The central target is the Panama Canal tolls controversy: America spent $2.5 billion building it but charged British ships tolls, contradicting earlier agreements. The satirists highlight the hypocrisy: America claims neutrality while protecting its own business "trusts" (monopolies). References to Monroe Doctrine and Secretary of State John Hay mock America's self-righteous "moral" foreign policy as mere cover for imperial ambitions. The cartoon's caption ("Columbia is the Jam of the Ocean, but Britannia Rules the Waves") inverts the famous British patriotic song, suggesting America now dominates while Britain retreats. The satire suggests American idealism about protecting smaller nations masks naked commercial self-interest.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ed Ul ed oa Letters of a Japanese School-boy ‘Did England Pay % Dig-Bill in Panama ? To Editor “Life Gazette” who are like Pres Wilson, He come out once per week and when he come out he smile. EAR SIR:— International Japanese Thinking Society, of which I were elected last Meeting to Grand Assistant Intellect and Doorkeeper, collapsed together last Tustay in Port Arthur Roof Garden. Subject for those brains to consider was, “Panama Tolls What For Hon, Kamo Makenzeki, President bro tim, make knock-knock for order which was not present. Several Jap- anese intellects jumped to their foot- wear and began debatting with con- siderable Senatorial discourtesy. “Firstly,” require Arthur Kickaha- jama, Japanese missionary boy, who make most noisy, “I ask to know! How much genuine cash have U. S. America spend to dig that canal & Col Gutterals?” “ 2,573,444,803.228,” report Hon Kamo Makenzeki, who can tell everything be- fore he thinks. “Welll” This from Arthur with Gov Colquitt expression, “ How much of that cash-price did Hon. England pay so she could own % of it?” “She pay zero,” oblate Hon. Makenzeki. “Ah!” corrode Arthur. “Then I must consider this one of those part- nerships in which one (1) person fur- nish brains and other person furnish capital?” Loudy clamber heard from all Jap- anese thinkers present. “You are talking outrags!" snagger Hon. J. B. Sago, Japanese anarchist. “Why should not English boat-trusts be equally free to use that canal like American boat-trusts? There is no nationality about sin.” “You are conversing in grape- juice!” aggrevate several Japanese in- telligences. “Did America built that canal to protect trusts?” corrode Hon, Sago with teeth. “Maybe did,” snuggest S. Wanda, who is studying insults from Bernard Shaw. “Trusts has got to be pro- “Columbia is the Jam of the Ocean, but Brittania Rules the Waves” 731 tected somewheres. Even rats, snakes & affinities deserve anti- ection. Then why should not Trusts have happy hunting-ground where they can play? Hounded and pigged to death in Washington, Chicago and other pure centers, why should not a few lame trusts be permitted to float around Canal without continual prods?” No answer to this hard reply. J. Haro, Japanese photographer, nextly arouse upward with July 4 eye- brows. “In date of ancestry,” he holla, mak- ing Walter Page emotion with wrists. “ Hon. Jas Monroe manufactured some Doctorine which he could spread like poultices all over Western Hemispear. This Doctorine have always been great law, like Tariff—simple yet impossible to understand, It were always peevish & patriotic. It exclam, ‘Hands off forevermore!’ each time Foreign Power were observed approaching Cuba, Paraguay or Palm Beach with guns or other canned goods. And yet there was no wars, although militia everywheres expected battles hourly. So time scorched on until Hon. Eng- land come long and observed Hon. John Hay. This were diplomatic in- spiration. With immediate quickness they dressed up Hon. Lord Paunchfat to resemble diplomatic Romeo. Who could think selfish thoughts could emu- late from such lofty courtship? And yet I have my thoughts. “Pretty soonly Hon. Hay and Hon. Paunchfat was seen dictating to stenog- raphers till following International Love Letter was cooked: “* Because Gt Britton & America is cousins is no reason why they should not get married occasionally. Blood is thicker than water and twice as full of germs. Columbia is the Jam of the Ocean, but Brittania Rules the Waves. Yet we shall arrange it so all can be satisfied. America can have the Ocean, but England will satisfied if she are given job of Gen Manager of all the water in it. Therefore Amer- ica are entitled to all expense, yellow fever, scandals and other glory in digging canals, while England merely require % ownership of that canal when digged. This treaty are inspired by Brittish love of fair play which comicbooks.com