Life, 1914-04-09 · page 32 of 40
Life — April 9, 1914 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Life magazine page contains several satirical pieces mocking social pretensions and linguistic absurdities: **"Congratulated Them"** ridicules a Polish couple's difficult surnames (Zacharewicz Perzynski and Leokowards Jeulinski). The joke: a justice of the peace struggles to pronounce their names, then congratulates them on reducing "those two names to one"—implying their marriage simplified linguistic chaos. The satire targets both immigrant name difficulty and the judge's obliviousness. **"Candidate" joke** mocks a political candidate's transparent dishonesty, comparing voting for him to buying "a pig in a poke" (getting something unseen). **"The Cult of the Guest-room"** satirizes the obsessive, pretentious hostess who fusses over guest-room details (embroidered spreads, scent) while creating an actually uncomfortable space—suggesting performative hospitality over genuine comfort. The advertisements interspersed (Lea & Perrins sauce, Babson Statistical Organization, Sexology book) appear unrelated to the satire itself.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Congratulated Them A Polish couple came before a justice of the peace to be married. The young man handed him the marriage license, and the pair stood up before him. “Join hands,” said the iustice. They did so and the justice looked at the document, which authorized him to unite in matrimony Zacharewicz Per- zynski and Leokowards Jeulinski. “Ahem,” he said.“ Zacha-h'm-ski, do you take this woman,” ete. * Yes, sir,” responded the young: man: “ Leo-h’'m-h'm-ski, do you take this man to be,” ete. “Yes, sir,” replied the woman. hen [| pronounce you man and aid the justice, glad to find some- thing he could pronounce, “ and I heartily congratulate you both on having reduced those two names to one. —London Opinion. Wine Jelly when flavored with Abbott's Bitters is made mmoro delightful and. healthful. Sample of bitters by mail, Beents in stamps, C. Balti W. Abbott & Caxpipate: Now, my friends, when you vote, you don’t want to vote for a rig in a poke; you want to vote for me— and get the gennine article! —London Opinion. —but not happy Wealth doesn’t give you or any man the real joys of life, unless you see things in the right perspective. Our economic studies de- velop so much which is helpful in a broad-gauged way that we have decided to offer in a Special Confidential Service the vital basic facts relating to social, industrial, political and religious problems, together with Mr. Babson's deductions and opinions. One feature of this service will be to aid the well- to-do to get a better understanding cf life and conditions as they are, to fit themselves and their children to take full advantage of their opportunities. This experiment is radical—it will deal, not with prejudices and theories, but facts. We expect and invite criticism, and your request will bring fou a free sample report of The Babson Labor and Social Service. Address Dept. A-30 of the Babson Statistical Organization Industrial Building, Wellesley Hills, Mass. Largest Org tio: its Character tn the U. 8. In SCOTLAND at Army “ Mess” the canny Scot demands the inimitable appetizer that makes for sturdy manhood © LEA « PERRINS’ SAUCE It is necessary to agree with a Scotchman or else kill, him — hence, there are no substitutes for this condiment in Scotland Sold bv Grocers in every clime TMM IMM Baltimore, Md. A Happy Marriag Depends largely on knowledge of the whole truth about self and sex and their relation to life and health. ‘This knowl eilge does” not come in- telligently of itself, nor correctly from. ordi every-day sources. SEXOLOGY | (Utustrated) ) by Willian 11. Walling, A.M, M.D., imparts in a clear |] wholesome way in one volume towledce 0 The Cult of the Guest-room Before the guest arrives, the perfect hostess (who has taken a Correspondence Course in Hospitality) inspects her guest- room, and soliloquizes thus: “T've remembered, I've remembered The new embroidered spread, The towels cross-stitched in designs Of navy blue and, red. It 8 so much too small, The ‘guest towel’ of to-day— Perhaps that’s why the modern guest Won't make a longer stay. “T've remembered, Uve remembered The nosegay, stiff and tight, The reading-lamp with cretonne shade That throws a ghastly light. The ‘Kind Words’ calendar I've hung; And by the hand-glass set Some Bargain Sale cologne . The price mark’s on it yet Allin one volume. Illustrated, $2, postpaid. MW vite for Osher People's Opinions” and Table ef Contents Puritan Pub. Co. 776 Perry Bldg., Phila., Pa. | oh, dear! =, embered, I've remembered ling-wax to bring, Removed a cuche of spoons from ‘twixt The mattress and the spring. ‘Sleep Sweet Within This Quiet Room’ I've had reframed; I've bought Vor bedside books, Jane Eyre, Lucille, And Gems of Modern Thought. “T've remembered, I've remembered Hite W warmasds Ctra os A lot of details: small f) Sachs lady known to her inmates as Lad That I am very sure no guest hey. Would ever want at all, Lady Betty’s Marmalades But 'twould be of shocking ignorance are Grapefruit-Orange, Orange and Pineann’ Of Fashion Journals’ chat Orange. They have that elnsive charm of flav i Je which can galy be immarted by one who cooks for To aim for Solid Comfort here, her own kind. Approved by Westfield (Prof. Allyn And let it go at that.” also Good Housekeeping Institute (Dr, Wiley). —Sarah Redington, in ; Harper's Magazine for April. Comfort Without Extravagance, Hotel Woodstock, New York Mrs. Panxnurst, please.” said the itor at the jail. : ‘ 1490 8. ‘s. She's just gone out, but if you'll wait | ‘San Mateo. Col BROOKLINE ‘k very soon,” replied the Please wend name of your gncer. MASS. Rag. U. 8 Pat. OF. Yady Betty your ters: Wi some ment about disag lucid husha ever ¢ comicbooks.com