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Life, 1914-03-26 · page 35 of 41

Life — March 26, 1914 — page 35: what you’re looking at

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Life — March 26, 1914 — page 35: Life, 1914-03-26

What you’re looking at

This page contains three distinct pieces: **"A Good Suggestion"** (left): A satirical column quoting Senator Gallinger and Professor Bigelow attacking **vivisection**—animal testing/experimentation. The satire's punch: Bigelow proposes scientists should cut themselves equivalent amounts for every animal they harm. The final joke undermines this: vivisectors won't do it because they value their own bodies too much, exposing the hypocrisy of inflicting pain they wouldn't endure themselves. **Pennsylvania Oilproof Vacuum Cup Tires** (center): A straightforward tire advertisement claiming superior skid-resistance—period marketing with no satirical content. **"Modern"** (bottom right): A brief satirical dialogue where a spider refuses the fly's invitation, claiming government protection of flies has made predation unfair. This appears to mock **progressive government regulation** as making natural hierarchies "equal" and thus unnatural—likely 1910s-era anti-regulation satire. The page is primarily **advertising-driven** with satirical commentary as filler content typical of Life magazine's format.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

55¢ A Good Suggestion ENATOR GALLINGER, in a re- cent letter, quoted as follows from an address by Professor Henry J. Bigelow: “How few facts of immediate value to our race have of late years been extorted from the dreadful sufferings of dumb animals, the cold-blooded cruelties now more and more “practiced under the authority of science.” Dr. Bigelow continues: “For every inch cut by one of these experimenters in the quivering tis- sues of the helpless dog, rabbit, or guinea pig, let him insert a lancet one-eighth of an inch in his own skin, and for every inch more he cuts let him advance the lancet another eighth of an inch, and whenever he seizes with the ragged forceps a nerve or the spinal marrow, and, in exquisite agony, literally tears out the nerves by their roots, let him cut only one-eighth of an inch farther and he may have some faint sugges- when the guinea pig shrieks, the poor dog yells, the noble horse groans and strains, the heartless vivisector perhaps resenting the struggle which annoys him.” Never! The vivisector has too much respect for his own hide. boss, am sort of a casy go a-stealin’ along casy like ye didn't have any knee joints and wuz walkin’ on eggs that cost fo'ty cents a dozen.”"—Atlanta Constitution, tion of the atrocity he is perpetrating There is something about it you'll like. You will say so after the first pipeful. Sample upon request. */, Ib.—50c. HERBERT TAREYTON Singer Bids. New York PENNSYLVANIA | Question : Do They Actually Prevent Skidding ? Answer: For three years now we have sold these tires on our widely advertised guarantee that they will not skid on wet or greasy pavements, else returnable at full purchase price — Never a challenge of this guarantee from a user. There’s no limit to their skid resistance—the heavier the slewing force, the stronger grows the multiple suction hold of the heavy-walled Vacuum Cups. The rolling tire lifts and re- leases the cups edgewise without drag on the forward speed. And what tires can match their service? Guaranteed for 4500 actual miles—with many rec- ords of 12,000 to 15,000 on heavy cars and great excess mileage always the rule. ABSOLUTELY OILPROOF. Pennsylvania Rubber Co., Jeannette, Pa. New York Boston Los Angeles Minneapolis Chica; Pittsburgh Detroit Omaha Cleveland San Francisco St. Paul Kansas City, Mo, Modern 7 “wit you walk into my parlor?” said the fly to the spider. No thanks,” said the spider, “T know it’s a civic duty I owe to the State, but not to-day. I value my life,- and since the government has been protecting you with spider-traps and the insistence upon an equal division | among all flies and spiders, I don't care to take any chances. If I can keep body and soul together and con- ‘The United States Government Stamp on tinue to furnish a subject for text- 9 pee ep oonie gence elton’ s fied. I’m humbler than I was. Much Old Rum obliged for your insinuating offer, old fellow, but all I ask is to be let alone.” lesa. | Over_one hundeed thousand #0 | THE MORLEY CO., Dept. 783, Perry Bid;