Life, 1914-03-05 · page 21 of 60
Life — March 5, 1914 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"Meditations of a Proper Young Lady"** mocks Victorian expectations of female propriety through a young woman's confession that she finds respectability boring and prefers transgressive behavior—a commentary on the tension between social convention and individual desire. **"Fair Warning"** sarcastically critiques maritime safety regulations. It notes that an International Conference on Safety at Sea has promised lifeboats "sometime in the future" (perhaps decades away), then darkly jokes that drowning passengers should therefore not "blame someone else"—sharp satire of bureaucratic inaction following maritime disasters. **"A Suggested Reform"** humorously proposes mandatory retirement for elderly messenger boys at seventy, sarcastically noting they're too slow for their jobs and should enjoy leisure rather than working until death. The bottom illustration, referencing Henry Fielding, appears to be unrelated commentary on cleanliness or morality. All three pieces exemplify *Life* magazine's characteristic irreverent tone toward social institutions and human folly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Meditations of a Proper Young Lady T° be a perfect lady I Find very dull and slow. I like to go the places where It isn’t right to go. I find it very trying to Be modest and discreet. I like to meet the people that It isn't right to meet. And after I have met them, I Will be quite frank with you, I like to do most all the things It isn't right to do! “BY JOVE, IF IT ISN'T LIFE! I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU AT FIRST IN THOSE CLOTHES” “THIS IS THE PROPER NUMBER, SAM” Fair Warning THs is fair notice to everybody not to get drowned at sea. You do so from this time forth at your own risk, The International Conference on Safety at Sea met last January and passed resolutions. They hope pretty soon to get the unanimous consent of the principal nations to pro- vide lifeboats enough for passengers who may need them. Several well-known sea experts have agreed that the thing ought to be done. Some time in the future, if everyone can get together, lifeboats are to be provided “of sufficient number and capacity to accommodate all per- sons on board, and a sufficient number of men competent _to handle them”. This is splendid! it was bound to come. While we are waiting for it, however, say a few decades, more or less, be reasonably careful. And in case you hap- pened to be burned up at sea or drowned, don't come around afterwards and blame someone else. We felt that in the course of time 397 A Suggested Reform OvucHtT there not be an age limit for messenger boys? It is a well-known fact that those who attain to the greatest age are the ones who pass their lives free from worry, in occupations where they get fresh air and a maxi- mum of rest, and whose actions are invariably deliberate. This law of nature is well illustrated by the messenger boy, who (at least in the Metropolis) lives to a great age. But after seventy years of age it is undeniable that our Metropolitan messenger boys begin to show signs of wear and tear; they do not have that bright, springy look, that splendid, rich complexion and the bright eyes that we see among them at sixty. A sixty- year-old Metropolitan messenger boy will get a letter from Wall Street to the Grand Central Station in four or five hours, whereas one of seventy, as ambitious and con- scientious as he well may be, may require a day or so to make the journey. We have often wondered why messenger boys do not retire earlier, Doubtless it is due to the fact that when you have accumulated a large fortune you never know exactly when to quit. We have known messenger boys of a hundred or more still sleeping out the battle of life. Every messenger boy at seventy ought to give place to others and from then on lead a life of hurry and excite- ment. He ought to say to himself, “1 will now awaken from my long sleep”. From seventy on is the real age for enjoyment. Dox? train exclusively with your own crowd. Give yourself a chance to grow wise by dwelling part of the time with afflicted people who do not think as you do. They will give you useful changes of thought, so that you won't get tired of yourself so soon, Shade of Henry Fielding: pint AT LEAST MINE WAS CLEAN comicbooks:com